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US numerologists predict Scots Nationalists will lose by 911,000 votes

Funny story: US numerologists predict Scots Nationalists will lose by 911,000 votes

New York - Number crunchers at a hush-hush US federal agency are betting on making a shedload of $$$s out of Thursday's Scottish independence vote. At odds of 911/1 with online spread betting site Aintgottaprayer.con their million bucks punt says...

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Sunday's 20/11/2011 is the Mayan Calendar's new 20/12/2012

Funny story: Sunday's 20/11/2011 is the Mayan Calendar's new 20/12/2012

London - Did 'Eve' really marry 'Satan' in the Garden of Eden on 20 November in the year dot? Potent astrological omens this weekend are hinting at hidden apocalyptic twists on Mayan calendar nutzs' 21 December 2012 prediction rant. And the maj...

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Paranoid Polish numerology nutz close Egyptian Pyramids in 11/11/11 scare

Funny story: Paranoid Polish numerology nutz close Egyptian Pyramids in 11/11/11 scare

Giza - Crystal-rattling numerologists from Dar Swiatowida (Global Psychic Vision) have freaked out Egyptian antiquities curators into closing the Great Pyramid on Armistice Day. The Polish quartz cabal had applied to the Supreme Council of Antiqui...

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Armageddinouttahere? Numerology warning as Spoof writer's tally set for 'seismic' 6,666,666 on 9/1/11

Funny story: Armageddinouttahere? Numerology warning as Spoof writer's tally set for 'seismic' 6,666,666 on 9/1/11

London - Apocalyptic spoofwriting cabals are battening down some hatches after an Ephemeral Emergency Management Agency executive order was issued this morning. This warns a Spoof Writers Desk hits counter is mirroring the Doomsday Clock amid a re...

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Palace numerologists wrong about QE2 RIP date says Hellfire Club CEO

Funny story: Palace numerologists wrong about QE2 RIP date says Hellfire Club CEO

London - The Governor of the Bank of England has rubbished Palace predictions about the Queen's imminent death. Top Hellfire Club number cruncher Mervyn King blamed the ubiquitous QE2 nickname in a City speech at crunchtime - er...lunchtime! - tod...

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Letters and Numbers in Mona Lisa's Eyes Figured Out

Funny story: Letters and Numbers in Mona Lisa's Eyes Figured Out

Scientists and theologians have had a mystery on their hands for the last few days, after it was discovered that there were tiny letters and numbers in the eyes of Leonardo Da Vinci's, Mona Lisa. The letters were undiscerning to the naked eye but und...

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Leonardo Da Vinci was a painting-by-numbers hoaxer

Funny story: Leonardo Da Vinci was a painting-by-numbers hoaxer

Paris - (Wingnutz Poser): Was Leonardo Da Vinci a numerology freak who predicted the rise of Dan Brown conspiracy theories? The discovery of tiny numerals and mysterious occult symbols on the Mona Lisa's eyeballs says it all. "It's a message a...

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Thatcher hospitalised, Queen sedated as 20/10/2010 Mayan curse strikes Illuminati

Funny story: Thatcher hospitalised, Queen sedated as 20/10/2010 Mayan curse strikes Illuminati

London - (Aztec Calendar Woe): A delayed gratification karmic virus has detonated among Hellfire Club matrons. At the Royal Freak Hospital nonce's wing tonight Margaret Thatcher had her stomach pumped after OD-ing on 'rocks' from Chilean President...

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Doctor Who Warned Of Cybermen Attack Says Beware 20/10/2010

Funny story: Doctor Who Warned Of Cybermen Attack Says Beware 20/10/2010

London - (Red Alert): A top numerology buff said today that Wednesday's apocalyptic 20/10/2010 date bears all the hallmarks of a planned cybermen attack. Royal Freak Hospital's Professor of Cyberology Dr Einstein Flintstone has warned the governme...

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101010 Cult Still Waiting

Funny story: 101010 Cult Still Waiting

Members of the 101010 cult who had gathered in southern Canada and were expecting to be "rescured" yesterday at 10 past 10, on the 10th of the 10th 2010 are considering their options seeing as the expected rescue has so far failed to materialise.

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10/10/10 - The Truth

Funny story: 10/10/10 - The Truth

As the calendar reaches the date 1O October 2010 , when even in America it is 10/10/10, we have been visiting Mystic Meg about the significance of the numbers. 'Ten is always important' she said 'we have ten fingers and ten toes.' 'Ah, yes' I mused. 'Then we have ten geese a laying and tenderness is a ten letter word.' 'So what does all this mean?' 'Completeness.' 'So humanity is...

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Stuxnet sucks net lifeblood on 10/10/10

Funny story: Stuxnet sucks net lifeblood on 10/10/10

Cyberspace - (Malware): A numerologically absurd proposition will test theories this weekend that the internet is about to collapse under the weight of the numbers game. The Stuxnet virus's programmed life span is due to detonate millions of lapto...

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Seeking "perfection in everything"? Then 10-10-10 or Oct 10, 2010 is your lucky day!

Funny story: Seeking "perfection in everything"? Then 10-10-10 or Oct 10, 2010 is your lucky day!

Numbers are big when it comes to Chinese superstition. Take the number 8 for instance. According to the Chinese 8-8-8, as in August 8, 2008 saw a big upsurge in the number of weddings taking place in China. Why? Because 8-8-8 translates to "ma...

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Chinese organised crime in Bulgarian cellphone numerology shocker!

Funny story: Chinese organised crime in Bulgarian cellphone numerology shocker!

Sofia, Bulgaria - (Spooky Mess): Bulgarian telecom giant (sic) Mob-I-Tell has suspended a 'cherished' cellphone number following complaints that every owner/user in the last decade has died in horrible circumstances. The much prized 0888 888 888 d...

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Palace numerologists reschedule Queen's death prediction for 25 March

Funny story: Palace numerologists reschedule Queen's death prediction for 25 March

London - (Portents): The imminent Lady Day demise comes after hundreds of 'extinct' Ghost Orchids suddenly sprouted on the Buckingham Palace lawn in a spooky coffin-shaped formation. "We counted exactly 407 of the critically endangered species," r...

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Hidden numerology of John Terry £137k fraud trial

Funny story: Hidden numerology of John Terry £137k fraud trial

London - (Pseudomathematics): An ancient occult divination system behind the secret science of hidden credit card numbers will be laid bare before Southwark Crown Court this week. In the dock is Chelsea captain John Terry's 'old mucker' Faisal Mad...

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09:09 09/09/09 coincidence

Funny story: 09:09 09/09/09 coincidence

Today, numerologists will have noticed that the time and date at one point was 09:09 09/09/09. After an appeal for people affected by this, we received details from a Mr Neil McBride from Dunfermline near Edinburgh in Scotland. He told us he had be...

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"Achtung! Nein, nein, nein!" numerology shocker

Funny story: "Achtung! Nein, nein, nein!" numerology shocker

London - (Rioters): Hellfire Club pornbrokers are calling in the IOUs this week ahead of Wednesday's apocalyptic 9/9/9 numerology. Starting with half a dozen Canary Wharf smug bastards who have grown fat perpetrating the myth of Hong Kong's repatr...

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