Hadrian's Wall To be Re-Built In Attempt To Keep Starving Scottish Out Of England If They Go It Alone

Funny story written by D P Whitehead

Thursday, 11 September 2014


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The British government has begun drawing up secret plans to rebuild Hadrian's Wall - the wall built by the Roman's to keep marauding Scot's out of England - to prevent starving undocumented Scottish people from entering England.

If Scotland's voters choose independence on September 18, it will mean the breakup of a 307-year-old union between England, Wales and Scotland as Great Britain.

Experts fear that Scotland would then become a third world type nation, blighted by drug addicts, unemployment, sectarian violence as well as facing a total meltdown of its financial capabilities.

Many predict a lawless land, populated by rampaging mobs of ginger haired youths, high on crack and sniffing glue.

The plan to rebuild Hadrian's Wall is said to be similar in concept and design to the fence that is currently being built at the border between the United States and Mexico.

"The last thing we need is undocumented illegal immigrants trying to escape poverty, drug gangs, lack of employment, a decaying infrastructure and a corrupt, as well as inexperienced government for a better life in the south," said Prime Minister David Cameron, "We will be setting up checkpoints at the border, ensuring that we stop as many of those attempting to seek a better life in England are stopped."

Many Scots, already fearful that their country is doomed if they seek independence, are teaching themselves skills that will help them, should they find themselves illegal and undocumented in England - should they manage to escape their dreary starving homeland.

"I am learning to wait tables, clean cars and mow lawns," said Jock 'Wee' Mactavish, "I expect I will struggle, I am an engineer by trade, but without papers I will be just another undocumented Scot - maybe I could get a cleaning job, of course I would have to learn to speak 'proper' English, no more of this 'Aye' and 'och aye tha no' shit."

Other Scots are planning to dye their hair from the traditional ginger and try and tan their pasty skin to try and pass as English, should they need to escape their 'Caledonian Self Created Hell'.

"I will have to stop wearing my skirts," said one Scottish transvestite, one of millions of Scottish men who like to dress up like little schoolgirls in tartan mini skirts and knee high socks, "I will stick out like a sore thumb in England."

Scotland is home to more men who like to parade around as women than any other country on earth, with 1 in 3 men owning a little skirt, that he wears openly and in secret.

"I just hope we build the wall in the time," sighed one Englishman "before the starving 'trannys' realize it is too late."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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