CALEXICO, California - (Satire News) - The Board of Directors of Jack-In-The-Box have voted by a vote of 8 to 2, to begin serving Jack Daniels drinks to adult patrons. According to a report in The Hollywood Star-Herald, the "Jack" franchise has be…
Coppers have arrested a gaggle of raucous haggis who decided to turn deaf ear to new social-distancing regulations by having a tear-up on Glen Tilt. Authorities arrived at scenes of utter degradation just after one o’clock this morning, after bein...
Tennessee man Joshua Hendricks recently met his Maker – albeit for only about ninety seconds – with whiskey on his breath. “It wasn't exactly how I wanted it to happen,” admitted Hendricks, who fell into a coma as a result of alcohol poisoning but...
Hogmanay 2014/2015 could be a sober affair with Scotland virtually on a general strike over the normally enthusiastic celebration period. Dissatisfied with a huge list of things which have turned out to be empty Westminster promises, the Scottis...
The North of England is said to be inconsolable after polls have indicated that Scotland will be leaving them. A spokesperson for Northern England told our reporter this morning "England will be a funny shape, has no-one thought of that? Also a f...
A pledge has been made by Jacobite, Alexei Salmon to make Scotch Whiskey palatable if he is crowned King of Scotland after the Independence vote. Scotland's nasty National beverage which was once used to induce vomiting after cases of poisoning wi...
The Pioneer Spirit recommended by George Osborne was probably gin, House of Commons sobriety chief, Charles Kunnidy said this morning. Pioneer Spirit is the latest feel good phrase being bandied about by the Tory spin doctors. But Hogarth's grap...
Pittsburgh PA: The Whiskey Rebellion of 1791 was a tax protest during the presidency of George Washington. Farmers selling their grain as distilled whiskey had to pay a new sin tax, which they strongly resented. The tax was a part of Treasury Secreta...
Following a strong recommendation by the Science and Technology Committee of Parliament, British residents have taken their government's health recommendations to heart, cutting daily drinking activities by more than 50% "We felt an obligation to...
After U.S. President Obama met with Ireland's political leadership, he made it a point to branch out into the countryside and meet business and social leaders in and around the town of Moneygall, where one of his Irish ancestors came from. Firs...
Following her recent pregnancy announcement on the daytime talk show television circuit, power entertainer and songstress, Pink admits looking to Irish Whiskey brands for inspiration on baby names. Along with hubby and offroad motorcycle racing pr...
Lynchburg, TN - A study, funded in part by Jack Daniel's has determined that, as has long been suspected, whiskey is in fact 'delicious'. The study consisted of blindfolded subjects taste-testing whiskey versus urine, bleach, and other household clea...
Better watch out for the price of liquor to skyrocket by this fall, many predicting that Kentucky bourbon could go as high as $80.00 per liter or even higher. Walter Belcher, spokesman for Ezra Brooks agrees with recent statements by the makers of...
Ten wiper fluid addicted children in Arkansas were today taken to hospital, after mistakenly drinking whiskey. 'It was awful', Dr. Hick Lessbrain said, from the Hillary Clinton Detox and Facelift Hospital in Backwater, 'we have campaigned for year...
GLASGOW, Scotland - Scottish sots held a drive-a-thong to cut sots alcohol abuse. Drinking, scantily-clad, driving ministers screamed that action was needed to reform the Scottish drinking culture, as they careened by, honking, belching and weaving.
BP, one of the founders of Kuwait and numerous other postcolonial prowestern oil whores seems to be going green and rather fishy. So many British drivers are turning to the processed cooking oil as their fuel of choice that BP has been seeking merger...
In a shocking announcement, long feared by keen observers of the UK, Scotsman and UK Prime Minister told the world that from now on there would be Scotch independence. Opponents of the drastic measure warned that this kind of a split could lead to ci...
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