Scotland poised to pay out millions if they say Yes

Funny story written by IainB

Tuesday, 2 September 2014

image for Scotland poised to pay out millions if they say Yes
This flag could cost the Scots Millions

If the Scots votes Yes to an Independent Scotland in September, they are facing a huge bill from the rest of the UK.

"We're going to charge the Scots for the cost of removing Scotland from the UK," said Boris Johnson, momentarily forgetting his usual bluster for a moment, before regaining his composure. "For larks gawds."

There are a variety of costs involved with losing Scotland that the Scots haven't considered.

"There's the flags!" Boris exclaimed waving his arms. "They've just not considered the flags!"

Once the Mayor of London had calmed down he explained that all the Union Jacks in use across the world would have be replaced with a new flag that lacked the Saltire of Scotland. Estimates of the number of Union Jacks in use around the world have been estimated at just over thirty-nine million.

"We won't force them to pay to replace those that are going to be burned by the Islamic State," said Johnson. "But we will ask them to pay for all those flags flying in every embassy and on every car across the world, and that's a lot of flags."

Sir Alex Salmond, first King of Independent Scotland, Lord of the Manor and First Minister is insisting that it will be England that foots the bill.

"It'll be the UK flag, the UK should pay for it!" he said, turning red. "We won't pay a penny, or whatever we call the smallest unit of our currency."

If the rest of the UK get its way, each man, woman and takeaway manager would have to pay fifteen euros twenty cents each to replace flags of a country that isn't their's. And Boris Johnson seems fairly confident that they will.

"I obviously know something Stinky Salmon doesn't know," said Johnson. "He's completely unaware of the James the First Pact of the Union."

Apparently, under a law created in 1606, when James the Sixth of Scotland unified the two countries, he signed a document that still stand in law that states that should Scotland ever leave the Union it would foot the bill of any sundry costs. Back when the law was enshrined in law, those 'sundry' costs were a small gatehouse in Berwick and a redesign of the current Monarch's tartan. Over the intervening years, the greater intertwining of the two nations has seen those sundry costs rise and rise.

"We estimate," said Johnson, with a smirk, "that the total amount of sundry costs is around the seventeen billion mark. Muwahahahaha."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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