Femen Sued for Sex Discrimination

Written by Paxton Quigley

Tuesday, 5 November 2013

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Tristram Lard: "I've got bigger tits than she has"

Saucy feminist protest group Femen which originated in Ukraine and whose members rose to infamy by getting their tits out for the Vlads, has found itself on the wrong end of a sex discrimination claim. Femen has said that it will fight the "frivolous" claim tooth and no doubt well manicured and varnished nail.

The plaintiff is 65 year old Balham resident Mr. Tristram Lard whose lawyers have served Femen and its officers with a writ claiming that the organisation "knowingly and wilfully discriminated against Mr. Lard on the grounds of his sex, age and appearance when the membership secretary responded to his membership request with an email informing him that 'we do not grant membership to fat old gits who just want to see our tits'."

Mr. Lard is asking for £10 million in damages for discrimination and hurt feelings.

In response to Mr. Lard's lawsuit Femen general secretary, shapely well-toned blonde bombshell Fraulein Olga Mann-Haeter stated that its topless protests use "sextremism to protect women's rights" and that painting their breasts with obscene slogans is the best way to gain attention for its cause and thus allowing a man to participate would be pointless. (I'm with them on that, Paxton. Make sure you delete this comment. LOL! Ed.)

The Spoof tracked down Mr. Lard to his local pub on Balham High Road, the Stoat and Gobbler, where he was knocking back a few pints of Old Dogfarter and nibbling on pork scratchings. We asked for his response to Fraulein Mann-Haeter's recent comment.

"Bloody skinny cow, she won't let me join because she knows I've got bigger tits than she has and there's a lot more room to write obscenities on my beer gut. Tell her I'll see her in court."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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