Britain's poorest homes could be using whale gas extracted by brave fisherman within two years.
The technique, which has been blamed for causing minor tsunami, earthquakes and blow-backs around Blackpool, remains controversial.
The biggest whales can consume hundreds of tons of kelp and sea-beans a day. This eventually produces masses of intestinal gas, which has to be removed carefully via long tubes inserted into the whale's rectum.
Many long-term unemployed trawlermen are being trained to creep up on big whales from behind and extract the gas.
Marine experts are also being brought in to train the whales in the art of directional farting. Subsequently the gas will be supplied on demand to consumers who live within easy reach of a whale's arse.
Apart from cheaper gas, there will be an additional bonus for flatulent husbands in Blackpool. They will soon be able to put the blame elsewhere, every time they let rip.
Welsh M.P.s, however, are said to be furious that cheap whale gas will not be piped into Wales because, according to engineers, "there might be too many leeks."
Energy ministers have been urged to get on with this project "and stop fracking about."
