Anti-slippers are a must buy for the safety conscious

Funny story written by IainB

Thursday, 29 March 2012

image for Anti-slippers are a must buy for the safety conscious
Almost as dangerous as slippers, but not quite

The Safety in the Home Instructional Task-force has produced its recommendations to cut down on accidents in the home. The main outcome of the five year study is that the slippers are to blame for just over half of all home based accidents.

"In fifty-eight percent of cases," said the study leader, Mary Jane Espadrille, "the injured participant was wearing slippers."

Accidents such as putting on slippers and taking off slippers both accounted for twelve hundred accident and emergency admissions in 2010.

"We cannot imagine the kind of mischief slippers get up to," said Espadrille. "They seem to have a mind of their own."

Slippers coming into contact with other household items, such as magazines, newspapers, large pools of oil, roller-skates at the top of stairs and a previously cut hole in a first floor floor accounted for forty percent of all accidents, three of which were fatal.

"SitHIT has made the recommendation that we can cut the amount of accidents in the home by over half by the introduction of more safety conscious slippers," said Espadrille. "For example, an anti-slip feature. Or an early warning system that can detect empty paint tins. If that's too complicated than a pair of slippers that knows how many steps the owner has come down, so that they don't miss the last step, or think there's one more when they're on the ground. That really hurts that one."

Slippers should also be more securely fastened, and have an emergency GPS location system that auto-alerts the emergency services should somebody, say, fall off a ladder while wearing them.

"We also believe that all slippers should have emergency rations in them," said Espadrille. "For that small percentage of people who get stuck in the loft. All three slipper related deaths could have been prevented with the inclusion of rations."

If SitHIT get their way, then they will turn their attention to that second most dangerous item of footwear: Bear feet.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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