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Funny story: CDC Says Despite Rumors, Mimes Not Safe From Coronavirus Behind Invisible Glass

CDC Says Despite Rumors, Mimes Not Safe From Coronavirus Behind Invisible Glass

Washington D.C. - The CDC made an announcement today that rocked the world of street-performing mimes and silenced a rumor that has permeated their culture. "We have inarguable proof," said Fredrick Paulson, 43, a spokesperson for the Center For D...

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Funny story: Surgeon General Warns about Secondhand Gas

Surgeon General Warns about Secondhand Gas

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Secondhand gas dramatically increases the risk of acute nausea, insult to the nasal lining, asthma attacks, and even asphyxiation, this according to U.S. Surgeon General Vice Admiral Jerome Adams. In a sobering report issued November...

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Funny story: Child Fell Over In Playground

Child Fell Over In Playground

The hot, balmy weather at the weekend was enough to get most people out of the house and on the move, but one family who took their kids to a playground almost had cause to regret it, when their youngest son fell over, causing an injury to his leg.

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Funny story: New Tower Design Approved Following Grenfell Tragedy

New Tower Design Approved Following Grenfell Tragedy

Following the Grenfell tragedy, a new innovative tower block design has been approved unanimously by the Royal Institute of British Architects. Award winning Architect, Tim Wittering explained, "there is no void in this building through which air...

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Funny story: Significant health code violations recorded at ISIS training camp in Libya

Significant health code violations recorded at ISIS training camp in Libya

* 'Totally unacceptable' conditions at terrorist training camp in Sabratha, Libya * Officers found workers handling dangerous chemicals without wearing safety goggles * Manager Latif Hakim, 46, admits five breaches of health and safety rule...

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Funny story: Isle Of Man Re-Calls 700 Manx People For Safety Checks On Third Legs

Isle Of Man Re-Calls 700 Manx People For Safety Checks On Third Legs

The Isle of Man has re-called 700 of its '1968 model' three legged people for what it calls a minor modification. A spokesperson told us this morning "It is in the interests of safety that if you own one of these people you must return it to an...

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Funny story: Mary Poppins DVDs Seized -Julie Andrew arrested in Global "Honey Trap"

Mary Poppins DVDs Seized -Julie Andrew arrested in Global "Honey Trap"

In one of the biggest co-ordinated international police swoops in history, Disney Productions California was cordoned off and Julie Andrew was arrested in the early hours of this morning. An F.B.I source said, "We have a result". The culmination...

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Funny story: Studies Reveal Stabbing Yourself With a Bread Knife May Lead to Death

Studies Reveal Stabbing Yourself With a Bread Knife May Lead to Death

As shocking as it sounds, multiple studies have recently shown that stabbing yourself with a bread knife may actually increase the chances of severe injuries, and in some cases may even cause death, despite the widely-held belief that doing so actual...

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Funny story: U.S. Facing New Mutated Chicken Flu As Over 100 NY-California Cases Already!

U.S. Facing New Mutated Chicken Flu As Over 100 NY-California Cases Already!

The good old Department of Health, Education and Welfare has been delaying news we could have used earlier but, as always, they "didn't want to start a panic". Well, better a panic than catching a mutating flu that fights off antibiotics. Although...

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Funny story: Health and safety update the banned list

Health and safety update the banned list

Britain's Health and Safety Executive have recently updated their banned list or household items that are no longer allowed in public buildings. "The first item on the latest list," said Daisy Bump, chairman of the H&SE, "is welcome mats. Thes...

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Funny story: Health & Safety Executive Announce Ban On Shaving

Health & Safety Executive Announce Ban On Shaving

"Razors have sharp edges" stated H&S Executive Everard Fortescue today after the release of a shocking shock report on shaving accidents in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. "People are bleeding" says Mr Fortescue - "an...

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Funny story: Pet tortoise makes rapid return

Pet tortoise makes rapid return

A pet tortoise disappeared from a house in Hooselow but was discovered after five minutes scooting back through the side entrance. This could well be a world record for the return of a pet tortoise. Most tortoises disappear for weeks at a time, an...

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Funny story: Trains could be given anti-flatulence re-design

Trains could be given anti-flatulence re-design

Train carriages could soon be built to give better passenger protection against those engaging in extreme flatulence, following a three-year study. Scientists have devised a set of key changes that could contain explosive blasts and reduce the amo...

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Funny story: Cannibal Cop's Arrest Prompts Bloomberg To Limit Human Flesh Portions

Cannibal Cop's Arrest Prompts Bloomberg To Limit Human Flesh Portions

New York - Mayor Michael Bloomberg made the Big Apple less appetizing to the city's cannibal community today, introducing a new Health Department regulation that limits flesh eating to "one pound per person per day." The restriction came on the he...

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Funny story: Lady Gaga's NYC eatery designated 'A Gagger' by city health officials

Lady Gaga's NYC eatery designated 'A Gagger' by city health officials

NEW YORK CITY (ABSNN) - City Health Inspectors rated the restaurant owned by Lady Gaga "at below 'C' level for 42 critical sanitation violations." The very best rating is "A." The report was released today and was actually a re-inspection of...

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Funny story: Sparks and Mensa launch their Health and Safety fashion range

Sparks and Mensa launch their Health and Safety fashion range

Sparks and Mensa, the high street department store for the fashion conscious and intelligent, has announced the launch of it's new range of Health and Safety clothing. "Hi-viz jackets are useful," said range designer, Wok Gann. "What they're not i...

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Funny story: Safety Officer Pinned To Wall By Runaway Forklift Truck

Safety Officer Pinned To Wall By Runaway Forklift Truck

The horrendous accident occurred at somewhere around nine am this morning in a warehouse on an industrial estate in Burnley, Lancashire, owned by Spoffco, a novelty greetings card company. Alert employees immediately called the emergency services...

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