Desperate Tiger Woods on Craigslist Seeks New Caddy: 'Ability to Tote My Bags & Wash My Balls a Plus!"

Funny story written by Morse

Thursday, 21 July 2011


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image for Desperate Tiger Woods on Craigslist Seeks New Caddy: 'Ability to Tote My Bags & Wash My Balls a Plus!"
Former Tiger, Now a Kitty (sic) Interviews New Female Caddy Applicants!

Tiger Woods announced today he had severed a 12 year relationship with New Zealand Caddy Stevie Williams who had been with him for 72 Tournament wins including 13 majors!

The injured Woods, nursing a sore joint after 4 knee operations, the loss of several major sponsors, and not having won on the PGA tour for over 18 months, is said to be in the midst of a cash crunch trying to support his high flying life style.

Since Woods has disappeared from the golf scene after a dramatic flameout over serial infidelities, a $100M payoff to former wife Elin Nordegren, at least $10m to gal pal Rachel Uchitel, and outlandish legal fees, insiders say Tiger has reached his 'debt ceiling' and is trying to cut out his overhead.

At 36, and with his injuries, some say his best days on the links are behind him, especially with the contingent of Irish Swingers who have dominated golf in the past few years, not to mention a host of young 20 somethings on both sides of he pond that have catapulted to prominence.

Williams has been the caddy for Adam Scott, the 31 year old Australian who finished tied for 2nd in the 2011 Masters, in the last 3 tournaments while he was waiting for Woods to return to the circuit.

Williams said he was 'shocked and disappointed' that he had no warning about his dismissal, but said he was proud of his accomplishments while working for Tiger, and was certainly 'dismayed' when he saw that Tiger was advertising for his replacement on Craigslist shortly after he was notified he had become 'redundant.'

A spokesman for Woods said the response has been 'overwhelming' considering the economic situation throughout the world adding, "Tiger is an equal opportunity employer. He's willing to take a look at anyone who can do the job, is willing to work late, and can carry his bags. We even have some females who would be willing to work for next to nothing and would follow him anywhere even if he only threw 'em a bone...that's what I call desperate!"

Additional reports, since discredited, had Woods dumpster diving in a trash bin behind an Orlando Pancake House. An employee at the establishment said it was all a misunderstanding, Tiger, she said, already had eaten, and she was just trying to assist him find his ball after he had gone out of bounds after teeing off behind the restaurant.

Donations to the Tiger Wood Homeless Fund can be made care of Jose Baez at savecaseyanthony.web.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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