Sensational news just in from the Lane - Spurs are currently involved in transfer bids for just about everybody who might possibly be available in the summer transfer window.
A spokesman for the club this morning confirmed that offers have been made for Wesley Sneijder, Samir Nasri, Cesc Fabregas, Steven Gerrard, Lionel Messi, and a host of other international superstars, as Harry Redknapp attempts to found a dynasty at White Hart Lane.
Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger could only shrug and look mystified when asked how it could possibly be that Spurs suddenly appear to be minted, and have launched transfer bids for 60% of the Arsenal squad.
If all of Spurs offers are taken up, estimates put the total cost of the numerous bids at approximately £2 trillion.
"It's all rubbish is this," Arsenal fan Spencer Tracy scoffed. "The Spuds don't have nothing like that much moolah. They're living on Fantasy Island Cuckoo Land if you ask me. They'll be lucky if they can tempt Gary Lineker back to White Fart Lane, let alone Wesley bleedin' Sneijder and our Cesc."
Raucous laughter could this morning be heard around the Redknapp house in Bournemouth, as Happy Harry continued to take the piss.
More as we get it.
