Written by Skoob1999

Wednesday, 25 May 2011

image for Man Utd Told 'Forget Lionel Messi - Eric Abidal Is Barcelona's Inspiration'
Right Lads - Kick The Crap Out Of Them!

Spanish football pundit Juan Lamportou today advised Manchester United to forget all about winning the Champions League Final at Wembley on Saturday, insisting that United have no chance in the contest, because they are directing all their focus in the wrong direction.

Lamportou was adamant that the constant outpourings from Old Trafford insiders, stating that United have a gameplan devised to restrict Xavi, Iniesta and Messi, and pressurise Puyol with penetrating attacks are completely missing the point.

Lamportou pointed to Barca midfielder Eric Abidal as the inspiration behind the Catalan outfit's strong finish to the season.

Abidal, a tough French kid from the back streets of Lyons, recently announced to his team mates that doctors had discovered a cancerous tumour on his liver, and that he required urgent surgery.

The revelation shocked the Barca dressing room, and seemed to give a supposedly exhausted squad a much needed adrenalin burst.

It is Abidal - now, thankfully recovered, and likely to play in the showpiece Wembley final - who epitomises the true spirit of 'Mes Que Un Club.' And according to Lamportou, the man who must be stopped.

"It is a dilemma, for sure," Lamportou remarked. "But if United can get at Abidal early on and unsettle him, it will without doubt unsettle the Barcelona team. They all think the world of him, and love him like a brother. On the other hand, it might just inspire Barcelona to run riot. Whichever way you look at it, Abidal is the key. If I was Sir Alex Ferguson, I'd play Paul Scholes and get him to give Abidal a bladdy good kicking. And then pray."*

*Juan Lamportou is a fanatical Real Madrid fan. Allegedly.

More as we get it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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