Chelski owner Roman Abramovich is demanding his new manager only signs philanderers.
Chelsea came second this season after coming first last campaign.
Monogamous 'family man' Butch Wilkins was initially blamed for this failure.
But now the Russian has firmly pointed the finger at Carlos Ancelotti and Roman has wielded his big stick.
Abramovich , who is affectionately known down the Bridge as The Village Idiot, wants a team that can score more regularly.
Only John Terry and Ashley Cole look certain to hang on to their shirts.
The Chelsea owner has told northern lotharios Wayne Rooney and Ryan Giggs to move down to London and star in his wet dream team.
Roman is ditching Fernando Torres after finding out he was in a committed relationship with a nice religious Spanish girl.
He wants a striker with lateral movement and silky ball skills who can hit the net regularly and has earmarked "a big African".
Hollywood actors Charlie Sheen and Russell Brand head Roman's short list to be the next Chelsea boss.
But Brand has ruled himself out saying he is "shagged out"
Sheen is expected to take up the position for £1 million a game.
He is in rehab at the moment but has told friends he will be fighting fit in a few months:
"Chelsea is a glamour club and my girlfriend in the sitcom 'Two And A Half Men' is called Chelsea, so I am up for it"
