Head F******g know it all Jerry Jones, Owner, CEO, General Manager, Head Coach, Offensive Coordinator and Locker Room Attendant has finally thrown in the towel on wishy-washy head coach Wade Philips, firing him today.
The formerly hard charging Cowboys who expected to ride into the Super Bowl this year are now 1-7 after being blown out by the hapless Detroit Lions sunday and are now relegated to riding side-saddle after injured QB Tony Homo has been sidelined with a groin injury aggravated by his separated shoulder, severe plaque on his wisdom teeth, and ingrown toenails attributed to ill fitting ballet pumps!
Jones, who was one of the first to institute 'don't ask, don't tell' into the NFL locker room, was one of the last to admit that the experiment in social engineering just doesn't play in the NFL.
With 'good guy' Wade Phillips standing on the sidelines gave out the
'atta' boys' to the undisciplined squad who couldn't tackle, couldn't catch, and committed too many arse grabbing penalties in the pile ups, most of the blame has to go to ego maniac Jerry Jones.
Reports today are that no one wants the head coaching job until Jones himself cleans out the locker room of the pampered pansies waltzing around blowing kisses to their opponents and losing games UGLY!
Despite several former hall of fame Cowboys appearing on Dancing with the Stars, long time NFL observers claim, 'there's just too much waltzing around in the locker rooms after games....!"
Said former kick ass Cowboy Coach Bill Parcells, "Hey, it is what it is. The Cowboys today are a very, very, nice bunch of guys. And Jerry's a SWEETHEART!"
Jimmy Johnson, former Miami successful coach and also former tough nut
coach for the Cowboys summed it up, " Until Jerry gets a grip on himself and stops prancing around the sidelines and bending over to pick up the soap in the showers for the boys after the game, the Cowboys are going to be riding 'side saddle' for a long time!"
A spokesman for Jones, speaking from outside the Cowboy's Tanning Salon, strongly denied that Jones is in intensive talks with Lane Kiffin, current head coach at USC, the ego centric coach who bugged out after he had a cup of coffee at Tennessee leaving them only with the "Toilet Bowl" and a short beer in Oakland where he even managed to piss off "Big Al' Davis, an owner almost as controlling as "Jumpin' Jerry' Jones.
Further rumours abound that Randy Moss has already pissed off Titan's Coach
Jeff Fisher, and may be out the door before his first game on his way to Dallas where he has been promised his own dressing room, a barbecue franchise, a hand creme commercial, and 40% of the concessions.
There is also a rumour that former NY Jets reporter Jenn Steger of Bret Farve Penis Fame, is in negotiations to work on the Dallas Sidelines after it was said she viewed photo shopped pictures of Tony Homo's Penis sent by Jessica Simpson, the Cowboy's other bad luck charm besides former Diva Terrill
Owens who now dances the Mambo with Chad 'Ocho Cinco at the hapless Bengal franchise, known as the Cincinnati Pussies.
According to her twitter comments, she allegedly exclaimed," Now there's a winky I can handle....isn't it just the CUTEST THING!"
According to inside sources, Dallas Radio Stations are now referring to the Cowboys as The Gay Caballeros!