Judges Gone ... Will Same-Sex Marriage Be Next in Iowa?

Funny story written by Aubergine Underwood

Thursday, 4 November 2010


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Gone Judges Gone

Des Moines, Iowa -- In a history-making decision, nearly fifty-five percent of Iowa voters who went to the polls on November 2 voted to remove three Supreme Court justices who ruled with the majority to legalize same-sex marriage in Iowa.

The campaign to oust the three justices was led by Chuck Wiley of C.A.R.P. (Coalition Against Rights for Perverts). When contacted Wiley stated that, "We feel that the justices legislated from the bench and that it is not their role to do so. The Coalition spent a shit-load of money bringing this issue before the public and we are gratified that Iowans have spoken loudly and clearly that they do not want gay marriage in their state."

"Our next step," Wiley continued, "is to get a constitutional amendment on the ballot and let the people vote. The Republicans control the House in the state legislature and it shouldn't be a problem in getting it on the ballot. I know that we can count on the overwhelming support from church groups, Tea Party members, and every right-wing fringe organization out there in our fight against gay marriage rights."

Meanwhile, who will appoint the three replacement judges needs to be resolved. If the three ousted judges resign before January 1, 2011, then outgoing governor Chet Culver could conceivably make the decision. "I am reviewing the matter carefully to ensure the judicial process that is utilized now is consistent with the Iowa constitution, law, and with practices," Culver stated.

Governor-elect Terry Branstad could also make the appointments when he takes office. "I think it would be inappropriate to do anything that is hasty or political in this situation," Branstad remarked.

Is Iowa's long history of human rights in jeopardy?

Welcome to Iowa.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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