Darwinian Pruning Removes 8 Off-Road Race Fans From Gene Pool

Written by anthonyrosania

Sunday, 15 August 2010

image for Darwinian Pruning Removes 8 Off-Road Race Fans From Gene Pool

For thousands on higher rungs of the Darwinian ladder, The Soggy Dry Lake Bed 200 Off-Road Race sounds like the entertainment provided in the Seventh Circle of Hell.

Sadly, 8 of the thousands who went to see the race were unceremoniously removed from the gene pool; killed when one of the trucks smashed into a crowd of spectators, also injuring 12 others.

Dr Hibbert Says...

"Hillbillies want to be called 'Sons of the Soil', but it ain't gonna happen."

The accident happened in minute 12 of the 200 mile race, held at a Dry Lake Bed about $110,000 south of Los Angeles' average family income. The annual event attracts tens of thousands of spectators, who line the 50-mile dirt track and watch all terrain vehicles careen across the Mojave Desert, hitting speeds of up to 100 miles per hour.

"The minute I heard that there was a race, where huge, heavy vehicles hurtle at breakneck speeds in the desert," Said Clem Purdy, 22, a grandfather of 8. " I said to myself, 'I've got to bring my wife and kids as close to the danger as I possibly can!' "

Eyewitness David Conklin, working as a photographer for Off-Road magazine until the L.A. Times hires him, told The Associated Press that the Prerunner truck flipped and plowed into the crowd after hitting a jump known as "the rockpile" about two miles into the race. "There were inbred people everywhere, just everywhere, people screaming, people running. When I got up to the vehicle I could tell that several people were trapped. There were just bodies everywhere," he said, adding that he "saw surprisingly few teeth, but that was before the race even started."

San Bernardino County Fire Department spokeswoman said that seven ambulances, 10 emergency helicopters and, surprisingly, 3 Coast Guard rescue boats rushed to the crash, and transported 12 people with critical injuries to nearby hospitals.

Interestingly, the driver emerged almost unscathed from the wreck, but had to flee the scene as members of the crows began beating the hell out of him.

"Who the f--k told those a--holes to stand on the racetrack? That is retarted," said the driver. "The last thing I expect to see, midway through a jump, is some redneck assclown looking up at me with a disposable camera.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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