Spoof writer Nick Hobbs today decided to hang up his pen. The reason for this shock announcement? Lack of attention from the Spoofs very own '1* Bandit'.
Nick, a former chef and stunt car driver, told himself when being interviewed "I must be shit at this spoofing lark. The bloody 1* Bandit, who keeps attacking distinguished writers like Queen Mudder, Colonel Juan, Morse and even relative newcomers like Stevey G, just won't even look at my stuff!"
"I'd love the odd 1* here and there, even though it brings down the average, at least it feels like someone out there likes my drivel!" he blubbed, like a big girls blouse.
"But he just won't pay me any heed, the big twatting bastard!" he continued, in an attempt to rile the snivelling puss bag in to action.
The 1* Bandit, or Fuckwit, as he's known to his imaginary friends, lives alone and is disliked by all who meet him.
As Nick left the Spoof offices he was heard to say "goodbye cruel world," he then leapt infront of a tram.
As he is undead, this proved non-fatal, and he was last seen dragging his mangled leg into the pub...