Vuvuzela Man To Join London Philharmonic Orchestra

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 12 July 2010

image for Vuvuzela Man To Join London Philharmonic Orchestra
A departure for the Philharmonic?

A South African football fan who had a vuvuzela inserted up his bum after the recent World Cup match between the host nation and Uruguay, has been invited to join the brass section of the London Philharmonic Orchestra.

Johnny Umbuku, 39, from Johannesburg, received the rather extreme punishment after his side's 3-0 loss to the South Americans, and spent a week recovering in the hospital.

He used his time well, however, became so proficient with his vuvuzela, mastering the instrument, and developing its use in ways that could never have been imagined, that, on leaving the hospital, Umbuku gave a virtuoso performance of Swan Lake to medical staff.

"It was so touching" cried one nurse, who had obviously never heard of Tchaikovsky.

His musical masterclass has now come to the attentions of those at the Philharmonic who do the hiring, and Umbuku has been given the chance of a lifetime, and certainly one he couldn't have dreamed possible as he was being held down by twenty excited Uruguayans, having his instrument forced into his ringpiece.

Still with the instrument poking out of his arse, Umbuku told me today:

"It's a dream come true for me. Football's a funny old game, isn't it?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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