England HQ in the field, South Africa: "We're expecting a Heroes welcome when we get back home at Glasgow Airport!" boomed out Fabio Capello in Tommy Cooper style!
Stuck up around all England the dugouts and all the players bedrooms was Fabio Capello's trusted motivational tool, the Tommy Cooper joke:
"Tommy Cooper was introduced to the Queen after a Royal Command Performance.
'Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?' said Tommy.
'No, ..." said the Queen, '....but I might not be able to give you a full answer.'
'Do you like football?' said Tommy.
'Well not really ' said the Queen.'
'In that case, ...' said Tommy, '....do you mind if I have your Cup Final Tickets?'
The subtle psychological motivation being for the 2010 World Cup Final and so the England team are heading home via Glasgow...
At the Press Conference after the match Fabio Capello was in a typical Tommy Cooper joking: "Was this the same ref that allowed the handball in the French - Republic of Ireland match? Maybe FIFA are out to cause controversy. These Referees cause more headlines and get their name in news and papers all over the world!!!"
Asked whether Fabio Capello would be resigning, in Tommy Cooper style he feigned an inability to understand what was being said.
"I will be speak later and tomorrow, but tomorrow never comes!!!"
Leading newspaper columnists then countered and demanded that the FA should launch an immediate root-and-branch review of why our national side is an international laughing stock and Capello was described as an "ageing, out of touch England manager whose team played football out of the Dark Ages".
Fabio Capello in his typical Tommy Cooper style smiled and replied:
"In the Dark Ages there were international laughing stocks, where toilet rolls were thrown at the players. They were the days, when players didn't have to buy their toiletries!! I used to like the dark ages!!"
BBC Pundit Alan Hansen branded England's performance as 'abysmal' and then retorted, "If you look at the back four, the midfield, the attackers, the system and the manager. Every aspect was rock bottom. The basics, the fundamentals weren't there. I think Capello will go."
Fabio Capello recalled Tommy Cooper in his reply:
"4-4-2 to you too Alan! I could have played a 5-3-1 Reynolds bike tube variation! The sweeper system we played today helped to clear up the streets in the town ships, so it was very good today!!"
Calls for Tommy Cooper jokes to continue to the next World Cup in Brazil, have been met with deafening ears at the FA in London. The FA are too busy at the moment, relaying the pitch again at Wembley.
