Written by Rebut

Sunday, 19 September 2004

image for British Euthanasia Outcry
Fisk? We love him, never a bad word.....

The Observer on Sunday claims that an outcry has arisen over British euthanasia statistics. Jamie Doward, writing in the sunday edition, says that British doctors help nearly 20 000 people die a year. When he says 'nearly', this refers to a number of unsucessful attempts to run them over with the doctor's car.

But is it the number that get's to us or is it really that some of the leading candidates, in my book anyway, never seem to be included in the latest batch? Heaven knows the world would be a far better place if we could introduce compulsory euthenasia.

If euthenasia is considered to be mercy killing then what better way to show mercy to the poor downtrodden people of London and rid us all of Ken "no pigeons in Trafalgar'' Livingstone? Lovely chap Ken but we've measured the oxygen he's stolen over the years and the quantity is far too large by some way.

The Independent's reporter Robert "kill America and Britain" Fisk is a must for the go-to-sleep-brigade. While I admire Robert's work, thoroughly absorpant, I feel we must bring it to an end (slow but firm wipe) and save it for posteriority (cut it up into toilet paper size and apply as required).

What about our friend John Pilger? John is a deep thinker, always attacking human rights abuses by Britain and America. Everywhere else in the world is full of love and tenderness eg Sudan, Zimbabwe etc etc according to John. The true evil is State Terrorism ie anything America or Britain does. Sovereignty of states is vital, even if 6 million Zimbabweans are killed. Rather 6 million die than 1 be saved by an American invasion. Of course if John cuts his hand they rush him to hospital.

He normally quotes examples in a vacuum because anything done by real terrorists is put forward as acts of true heroism, bravery and martyrdom. If you read below any Pilger article the magazine will confirm that anyone who has studied law, politics or history should not read Pilger's article.

I have argued that this should be redone because anyone with an IQ over 50 should also not bother. This genius is probably the biggest moron, posing as an intellectual, of the lot. If you have any knowledge of history, politics or law then Mr Pussillannimous 2004 becomes to inaccurate what Dan Rather is to funny memos on President Bush.

It is him, and others like him, being married to Sovereignty at all costs and harboring a deep hatred of America, Britain and their allies, particularly in the area of intervening in states, which fills more body bags than any war on the planet. Surely a man so married to principle and so immune to the suffering of others, must be buried at the soonest possible opportunity. After all death means nothing to good ol' Johno....

We mustn't forget Noam Chumpski the deepest thinker of them all : "Yes...um we can't condone pre-emptive strikes because they are illegal and the security council for political reasons will never agree on one, so in...um Zimbabwe if the W.H.O says 3-6 million will die of starvation isn't that better than an illegal intervention?" As Noam is such a deep thinker wouldn't it be nice if we could give him a deep burial very very soon?

Michael Moore is an absolute must for this years euthanasia best buried list. With Israel bringing out a stink bomb for riot control surely this genius is so rancid that everywhere he goes a stampede starts, occasioning a riot. His continued existence cheapens the planet and must surely end soon.

I've saved the best for last : It is something that annoys everyone and is populated by an entire people capable of riot control. It is normally headed by the chief genius who is totally psychotic and unable to understand history or the present day for that matter. I refer of course to France or, if sanity prevails : The World Nuclear Testing Range. Don't forget to lock the gates in case a frog escapes.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Doctors, british

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
138 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more