Clinton Cardiac Drama : Left Heart In San Francisco

Funny story written by Rebut

Saturday, 4 September 2004

Doctors at New Yorks Presbyterian Hospital were shocked when X-rays of former President Bill Clinton revealed a gaping hole where his heart used to be. They frantically questioned Clinton as to it's whereabouts.

"Well the loveliness of Paris was sadly gay so it's not there, the glory of Rome was another day, I feel alone and forgotten in Manhatten so I'm sure I left it in the bay, yep I left my heart in San Francisco!".

The nursing staff at the hospital were told to get full details as to the exact location so that a plane could be despatched to recover the heart immediately. Problem was that the former president was slightly vague...

Head Nurse tried to be firm : Mr president please be specific, nurses make detailed notes.. : "High on the hill, it calls to me. To be where little cable cars, climb halfway to the stars. The morning fog may chill the air, I don't care!"

Anyone?.....sister Osumpter you were making lots of notes....nothing? Well that's no good to anyone is it? Mr President please help us to help you".

"I don't care my love waits there in San Francisco above the blue and windy sea. When I come home to you San Francisco, your golden sun will shine for me."

Head nurse immediately informed the surgery team of her attempts to locate the missing heart and the garbled messages interspersed with insane ramblings of the former president. The chief surgeon was bemused : "Hmmmm so no change there".

The former president was joined at the hospital by Hillary and Chelsea who couldn't provide much assistance to staff. They said they had always been of the view that he had one but only once, when she had found out about Lewinski, had Hillary actually attempted to locate it physically.

Doctors asked Hillary how long Clinton had been short of breath and unusually tired when he got home? "Since puberty".

The doctors issued a short statement confirming that a quadrupple bipass would be performed as soon as the heart was located. In the meantime they will be consulting with the surgeons of Saddam Hussein on techniques to use when your patient has no heart.

* Even as a Republican supporter I wish President Clinton good health and a quick recovery. One of the real characters of our time.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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