Sol Campbell prompts bargepole boom

Funny story written by Football mole

Thursday, 24 September 2009

High street statistics have indicated that sales of ten-foot bargepoles have increased dramatically following the announcement by Sol Campbell that he no longer wishes to be part of the set up at Notts County.

The 35-year-old ex-England international had recently signed a five-year deal worth around £40 squillion per week but the ex-Arsenal, ex-Tottenham, ex-Portsmouth and ex-Notts County player quit after an illustrious, one-game stint with the club during which they were beaten 2-1 at Morcambe last Saturday.

Cottaging boss, Roy Hodgson said: "There have been a number of players recently who we wouldn't consider at Fulham for one reason or another. So many in fact, that the club bargepole has been worn out completely.

"But we have recently acquired a new shiny one from Harrods and we certainly won't be touching Sol Campbell with it."

Other Premiership club managers told a similar story. One who wished to remain anonymous said: "I'm not sure if Sol was aware of which level of football he would be involved in.

"The fourth tier of English football maybe not quite what he's used to, it's a tough game down there. Not much natural light can reach that far down," said the Lilywhites boss.

Flognasty's Independent Bargepoles spokesman, Wilf Bottle said: "Demand for our product has reached unprecedented levels recently with all the abhorrent behaviour going on in the world of football, but our production staff, Brian, is confident that the supply will meet the demand."

Football clubs wishing to avoid signing certain players - for whatever reason - can now choose from a range of ten-foot bargepoles including the new 'Masai' model which has a removable rubber stopper on one end concealing a bent, rusty nail.

Next month, Flognasty's will be unveiling their brand new 'Barton' model which can extend up to 15 feet, in time for the Christmas rush.

The FA are now considering a move to make all football contracts prepared on gold leaf, after Sol Campbell's apparently wasn't worth the paper it was written on.

Or Berbatov or (insert massive list here)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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