Usain Bolt could be banned for being Martian, fans claim racism

Funny story written by fakingnews

Wednesday, 26 August 2009

Berlin, Germany. Questions are being raised over humanness of Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt after he set new world records in 100 and 200 meters track races last week.

Bolt has been running with superhuman abilities, which has caused some physicians, psychologists and athletes to suspect that he is an alien from the outer world. A probe has been ordered to clear the air but now the whole issue is turning into a racial controversy.

"We had received complaints that Bolt has been breaking his own records and running progressively faster, which doesn't appear normal for a human being. Athletes have started fearing his abilities and his presence itself makes them lose interest in competing. This not only violates the spirit of competition but also amounts to use of unfair means akin to taking performance enhancing drugs." A spokesman said.

Experts believe that Usain Bolt could be banned from taking part in normal track and field athletics events and instead ask him to compete in the paranormal category. Experts cited the example of Oscar Pistorius, a South African Paralympic runner known as the "Blade Runner" or "the fastest man on no legs", who was denied from competing with normal (able bodied) athletes as the Association thought he was using unfair means through his artificial legs.

The possibility of Usain Bolt being banned from track and field events has enraged his fans and supporters, who are claiming an element of racism in the whole controversy. Fans alluded to the recent controversy where South African athlete Caster Semenya was suspected as being a man, because people couldn't believe that a girl or a woman could run so fast.

"Be it Semenya or Bolt, the whites are petrified at the dominion blacks enjoy over them in athletics, and that's why they indulge in such cheap tricks to demoralize our men and women. But we are not living in the Dark Ages, we are going to fight this discrimination to the end. Bolt is very much a man from the earth and those who suspect are welcome to leave the earth." Martin, a Jamaican resident protested.

But claims of racism have been rubbished and has asked Usain Bolt to report his availability for various biological tests that would testify his humanness. It's not clear what would happen to Bolt's citizenship status if he failed the tests, as no country on earth yet admits aliens as their citizen.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more