South African Crossdresser Runs 800 Meters with Penis Tucked!

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Friday, 21 August 2009


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He runs faster than girls because he's got ball bearings and a stick shift.

JOHANNESBURG, South Africa - South African officials have rallied behind a controversial new cross-dressing cross-trainer, who won the women's world 800 meters title shortly after he tucked his penis and genitals safely away from view.

The runner streaked away to victory with a time of one minute 55.45 seconds - more than twelve seconds faster than any other penis-tucker in recorded history.

His masculine build fueled controversy, but he said he is not bothered by questions about his gender.

"Honey, I don't care what anybody says - I'm 100% woman!!" he said.

He received his gold medal on Thursday, sheepishly shifting at the podium as "his business" threatened to interrupt the warm ovation at the Berlin Olympic Stadium.

Marshals have asked him to undergo a battery of complex gender tests, though the results are not expected to be known for some time.

"The gender verification test is an extremely complex procedure," said a spokesman, "The investigations will take some days or weeks, and I'm not a doctor to give a conclusive answer as to his or her gender."

The track and field sensation had a good laugh at that one. "Just cop a feel!" he said. "You'll have all the verification you need."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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