Lawsuit: No More Baseball Caps In The NFL

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 23 December 2008

image for Lawsuit: No More Baseball Caps In The NFL
Johnny Ruxton relaxing after the ball game at The Green Light Bar & Grill in Cleveland

CLEVELAND, Ohio - The age old sports practice of NFL football players wearing a baseball cap on the sidelines and during locker room post game interviews is coming to an end.

A Class 1 lawsuit has been filed in the third district appellate court of Cleveland, Ohio mandating that baseball caps will no longer be allowed to be worn by NFL players on the sidelines, on the benches, or in the locker rooms.

The lawsuit was filed in behalf of Johnny Ruxton, a utility infielder with the Cleveland Indians. Ruxton said, "I just got sick and tired of everytime that I was watching a football game on TV and the camera would pan to the sidelines, there was some football player, usually the quarterback, wearing a baseball cap.

And to be honest, I think that it is degrading, offensive, and it is an insult to every professional baseball player in America as well as Latin America."

Ruxton stated, "In my eyes, the football players are disrespecting a piece of Americana; our sacred baseball uniform. And I am going to help put a stop to it.

And the worst offenses occur after some team has just won a playoff game, or a championship game, or even the Super Bowl where they spray champagne all over each other and on their caps.

Every time that they show the players being interviewed in the locker room, most of them are wearing baseball caps. I mean think about it, have you ever seen a baseball player sitting in the dugout wearing a football helmet? No.

Have you ever seen a baseball player wearing a football helmet out in the bullpen? No.

And have you ever seen a baseball player wearing a football helmet in the locker room after his team has just won a playoff game, a championship game, or the World Series? No."

Someone asked Ruxton if football coaches would be allowed to wear baseball caps? "Hell no!!! Ruxton replied, "No one associated with an NFL football team in any way, shape, or form will be allowed to wear baseball caps...not football players, not football coaches, not even the gorgeously attractive cheerleaders, as sweet and sexy as they are.

Every Major League baseball manager wears a baseball cap, so I truly feel that every NFL football coach should wear a football helmet.

And while we're talking about it, I really feel that an NFL football coach should wear a full football uniform, complete with cleats, just like a baseball manager wears a full uniform. And if the football coach doesn't want to wear a uniform on the sidelines then he should turn in his resignation.

Ruxton was asked if he has received any threats from anyone because of his hard line stance not to mention his lawsuit.

Ruxton replied, "Oh yeah, I've received treats from several NFL football players. And one of them was so stupid that I guess he forgot that his cell phone number showed up on my cell phone screen.

So the FBI paid this dude a little visit and I was informed by FBI special agent in charge Walter Norwood that it does not look too good for Mr. LoDell Tyrone Franklin.

And the word on the street is that it appears that Franklin may just end up sharing a cell with Michael Vick or Plaxico Burress.

In other news. Sylvester Stallone told Regis Philbin that he will start filming Rocky 18 - The Punch Drunk Years in late January, 2009.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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