Written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

image for Pro Japanese Baseball Team Drafts 16-Year-Old Girl Knuckleballer
16-year-old knuckleballer Eri Yoshida watching the baby piranhas at Lake Soy Sauce in Kobe, Japan

KOBE, Japan - Eri Yoshida, a 16-year-old female pitcher who has mastered a mean, fluttering knuckleball has been drafted by the Kobe 9 Cruise of the Japanese League.

Eri will be the first female to ever play professional baseball in Japan. She stands 5 feet tall and weighs 114 pounds. She wears a B-cup bra and does not wear a protective baseball cup.

Her high school pitching coach Ishimiko 'Tofu' Yamachichi said, "Eri is quite a young lady. She has fantastic control, both in her pitching technique and in her eating habits. Her favorite singer is Mariah Carey, her favorite automobile is the Toyota Camry, and her favorite vitamin is Riboflavin.

Eri does not get nervous at all. The last time she pitched one of her bra straps broke but it did not rattle her one bit. She just kept on throwing strikes and ignored all of the hollering and whistling from the fans, the opposing players, and the umpires."

Her high school coach Yakasaki 'Bamboo Shoots' Sakachiro said, "Eri basically does everything that the boys do with three exceptions. One, she does not chew tobacco. Two, she does not grab her crotch every four seconds. And three, she does not brag about all of the girls she has slept with."

Eri spoke through an interpreter and said that her favorite American baseball player is Boston Red Sox knuckleballer Tim Wakefield. "I like Tim," she said in her native Japanese language. "I would easily trade six Barry Bonds baseball cards to get one Tim Wakefield card."

Eri was asked if she had a boyfriend. She blushed and said, "I did. His name is Toshiro Takumi, and he wears number 7. Toshi and I were very much in love, but after I struck him out during practice for the seventh time he got all upset and broke up with me."

In other news, The President George W. Bush Welcome Back Home To Crawford, Texas Picnic has been cancelled because the local weatherman, Virgil 'Wind Chill' Factor said that it will be raining on January 21, 2009.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Baseball, Japan

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