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Funny satire stories about Drug testing

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Funny story: City Employee's Urinalysis Shows Remarkably High Levels of Green Tea

City Employee's Urinalysis Shows Remarkably High Levels of Green Tea

The most recent urinalysis of 19-year-old Department of Public Works groundskeeper Ian Farrell, who, like all city employees, is required to submit to regular drug testing, revealed remarkably high levels of green tea, with levels of polyphenols and...

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Funny story: Move To Drug Test Gun Owners In Open Carry States

Move To Drug Test Gun Owners In Open Carry States

31 states in the U.S. allow citizens to openly carry their firearms. In 10 of these states , someone who applies for welfare cash assistance through the Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) has to be screened and tested for substance abus...

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Funny story: Seth Rogen passes drug test

Seth Rogen passes drug test

According to an anonymous Hollywood studio executive, actor/comedy-writer Seth Rogen recently passed a mandatory drug test which was required for an upcoming role. The negative THC results surprised studio management due to Rogen's well-known mar...

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Funny story: New Royal Race Meetings To Feature Only Smack-Head Horses

New Royal Race Meetings To Feature Only Smack-Head Horses

Rally style jockey protection cages are among the proposals for "Horse Smack-Head" meetings to be staged in Afhghanistan. The unfortunate horses which are prone to accidental banned substance ingestion will race while on morphine initially, before b...

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Funny story: Queen's horse denies swallowing morphine!

Queen's horse denies swallowing morphine!

After discovering huge amounts of morphine in the Queen's horse (one of many) the royal vet, Sir Humphrey Nag, a renowned horse whisperer, issued the following statement: "The Queen's horse, who shall remain anonymous, has confirmed the fact that...

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Funny story: Scientists Discover That Potheads Cannot Recognize Connection Between Their Stash And Murderous Drug Cartels.

Scientists Discover That Potheads Cannot Recognize Connection Between Their Stash And Murderous Drug Cartels.

Scientists have finally proven that there is a big disconnect in the minds of those heavily into pot. It has been long suspected that marijuana use has negative effects upon the brains and bodies of partakers, a claim equally long denied by the users...

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Funny story: Major League Baseball Will Start Testing Umpires For Performance Enhancing Drugs in 2014

Major League Baseball Will Start Testing Umpires For Performance Enhancing Drugs in 2014

NEW YORK CITY - The Major League Baseball Coalition on Drug Testing has just informed all MLB umpires that in 2014, before the start of the preseason they will be tested for PEB's. A representative with the MLBCDT Harrison Blittkinboro, 51, told t...

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Funny story: The NFL Is Getting Ready To Start Testing For HGH (Human Growth Hormones)

The NFL Is Getting Ready To Start Testing For HGH (Human Growth Hormones)

CHICAGO - The commissioner of the National Football League, Roger Goodell, has just announced to the news media that plans are underway to start testing NFL players for HGH, just as professional baseball has been testing for PED's (Performance Enhanc...

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Funny story: Brit cops swooped to stop whistleblower Snowden publishing results of US Senators' covert drug testing

Brit cops swooped to stop whistleblower Snowden publishing results of US Senators' covert drug testing

Washington AC/DC - Brits' confiscation of phones and laptops belonging to David Miranda may have been ordered by paranoid US Senate Internal Affairs officials to thwart publication of highly controversial drug testing of the country's top lawnrakers...

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Funny story: Studies Show Ritalin Really Works!

Studies Show Ritalin Really Works!

DES MOINES- A study from the University of Des Moines was conducted recently to learn about the true effects of Ritalin on children and teens. One student by the same of Harry Christiansen hypothesized that Ritalin works only because of the Placebo E...

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Funny story: Doping Scandal Rocks World Knitting. Calls for Ban on Earl Grey

Doping Scandal Rocks World Knitting. Calls for Ban on Earl Grey

Knitters around the globe are stunned by a confession from Ethel Bainbridge, winner of the North England Balaclava Knitathon three years running, that she imbibes Earl Grey tea and applies WD40 lubricant to her needles before competing. Both performa...

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Funny story: Choc ice slur man makes stand against racism, by kicking "Kick Racism Out Of Football" out of football

Choc ice slur man makes stand against racism, by kicking "Kick Racism Out Of Football" out of football

Gin soaked senile, ex trade unionist claims he felt embarrassed after Choc ice slur man had made the decision despite Gin soaked senile, ex trade unionist telling the media in his pre-match press conference that all of his players would support the c...

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Funny story: Pakistan Ends Its Traditional Elephant Races

Pakistan Ends Its Traditional Elephant Races

KARACHI, Pakistan - Word out of Pakistan is that the Pakistani government has decided to put an end to the very popular traditional Karachi Elephant Races which have been held every weekend since 1968. The mayor of the city known as "The City of E...

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Funny story: Compulsory drug testing of MPs announced

Compulsory drug testing of MPs announced

London - "I'm damned if I let some Met rookie swab the insides of my, er, gob," Nick Clegg snarled today as the announcement was posted on Speaker Bercow's blogsite. The Deputy PM's protests come amid reports that police armed with new drug testin...

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Funny story: Transsexuals have to enter the Olympics as their birth gender

Transsexuals have to enter the Olympics as their birth gender

The Transsexual and Gay Alliance are up in arms this afternoon with the news that transsexuals cannot compete as their true gender, and instead will be forced to compete against those who share their birth gender. "This is highly sexist," said Que...

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Funny story: Republicans to Pass Sex Tax - Mandate Weekly Sex Testing For Women Only

Republicans to Pass Sex Tax - Mandate Weekly Sex Testing For Women Only

WASHINGTON DC (AP) Late yesterday, Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-Hooterville) announced stiff new legislation that would enact a national sex tax by "sex testing" all women every week. The Congressman explained that women would be require...

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Funny story: Employee tribunal scheduled after the world's best excuse for failing a drugs test

Employee tribunal scheduled after the world's best excuse for failing a drugs test

Gabbie Halls has successfully won a right to appeal her dismissal on drugs charges from a well known high street bank after she came up with a cracker of an excuse. "I'd go as far to say," said Jo Jones of the Drug Employment Testing Agency, "that...

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