After Gareth Barry (the player so boring they gave him two first names) made his record breaking 602nd Premier League appearance his manager Tony Pulis ominously said:
He can play for another three years
Before strangely adding
Even if he do...
David Moyes completed his first transfer window as Manchester United boss with the signing of Everton midfielder Marouane Fellaini for £27.5 million on transfer deadline day.
As expected of a club of their stature, United had been linked with play...
Congratulations to Andre Wisdom, the winner of our competition to play in a real Merseyside Derby. Andre chose to play at right-back for Liverpool. The 19-year-old heard about our competition through a kids' football magazine, and jumped at the chance to enter.
'It has been a dream throughout my childhood to play for Manchester United. i saw the chance to play for Liverpool and decided to settl...
Arrive at Leyton Orient at 2.45pm to attend a home match for the first in three years. Due to a serious traffic accident on the A406, opponents Hartlepool are delayed and at 3.30pm the match is officially cancelled.
(Its a shame their are no Olympic Lanes on the A406)
Ironically, in April I wrote a spoof about Orient fans getting lost on route to Hartlepool.
AIK Stockholm fans took their "12th man" role to the extreme when they travelled to the hotel of their club's Europa League opponents, CSKA Moscow, and set off fireworks in the middle of the night.
The fans later apologised and blamed Stockholm Syndrome.
Everton manager David Moyes has pulled off another coup by signing 17-year-old French wonderkid M'Baye Niang for £2m from Caen.
Boost for Manchester United shares as investment guru George Soros buys a 7.85% stake on the New York Stock Exchange.
He's told friends as soon as he learns the offside rule, he's going to increase his stake to over 10%.
Manchester United's 24-year-old Brazilian midfielder Anderson suffered the ignominy of having his name misspelled as 'Andesron' on his own shirt during the Red Devi...
Brazil international Kaka, 30, has been offered to Manchester United on a season-long loan as Real Madrid prepare for the arrival of Luka Modric.
Man United are now the first go to club when your offloading a player aged 29 or over.
Zenit St Petersburg have made a fresh approach to permanently sign Andrey Arshavin, with Arsenal seeking £10m for the 31-year-old forward.
After the inglorious way in which Manchester United threw away last year's Premier League title race to city rivals, Manchester City, the new season began no better for the Old Trafford club, as they were soundly beaten 1-0 by an unfancied Everton te...
Man Utd's defence resembled a huge lump of Swiss Cheese (remember Basel?) after firstly thrashing the Blues from Liverpool then crumbling and melting away like a mouldy piece of "Swiss gorgonzola" cheese.
On the other side of town the other "Blues...
After Paul The Octopus took the 2010 World Cup by storm by correctly picking the winner in eight successive world cup matches upto and including the final, Sloof Sport News today discovered a meerkat is now attempting to repeat the feat starting with the FA Cup semi-finals.
Mystic Mikhov the Meerkat is A cousin of Russian Meerkat Alexsandr, who viewers may know from the Compare The Meerkat webs...
The London Riots were postponed last night on police advice after a game of football broke out at White Hot Lane between two teams of eleven footballers.
The final day of riots had been pencilled in for early January after the scheduled date in Au...
The biggest clubs in the England 'EPL' were today 'preparing bids' to secure the services of the premiershites latest goalscoring sensation, Americanish tourette sufferer Timothy Howard.
The Everton net buster and occasional goal stopper marked hi...
We caught up with Wayne Rooney yesterday, shopping alone on the Manc high street. We initially saw him hiding under a Nike hoodie 37 sizes to small for him (looked like something that'd fit his son Kai), emerging from Bobbers, a hair salon.
We shouted his name to try and let onto him. 'Shrek, Shrek!' we screamed.
He turned around, saw us, and ran away as quick as he would after looking in...
Everton fans can relax - signals emerging from Manchester Utd today suggest all is well in the Red Devils camp after a stroll out in the Carling Cup on Tuesday night.
There had been fears that following Utd's 6-1 home mauling at the hands of deadl...
In a bizarre coincidence illness and injuries have stricken Manchester United's next two opponents - Aldershot and Everton.
Following their mauling by deadly rivals Manchester City at Old Trafford on Sunday, United are due to travel to Aldershot i...
Referee Martin Atkinson has issued a "sincere" apology to Everton midfielder Jack Rodwell after he controversially sent the 20-year-old off during Saturday's Merseyside Derby.
The England under-21 international was shown a straight red card for...
The Merseyside derby between Everton and Liverpool was sensationally abandoned just after the half time restart today, when referee Martin Atkinson sent off all but one player.
Pepe Reina, Liverpool goalkeeper was the only player left standing, af...
Everton fans were left fuming after the Toffees were turned over by a makeshift QPR side at Goodison Park on saturday.
Charlie Scally, writing in the Scouse Echo, called QPR "a bag of shite" and claimed they were lucky to beat Everton.
Sorry, you can't go back any further!
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An original metaphor:
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