Written by Jalapenoman

Saturday, 28 April 2007

image for Curt Schilling Silences Doubters of Bloody Sock

In 2004, Curt Schilling pitched the Boston Red Sox to a World Series victory. He did this with damage to his right foot that caused his socks to fill up with blood. Doubters (read as "Yankee Fans") now believe that the sock was faked to make opponents believe the pitcher was not hurt.

To shut up the naysayers, Schilling has offered one million dollars to anyone who can prove the sock was faked. In a press statement, he offered the following to reporters:

"Yeah, my foot was messed up. That's real blood on my socks. Get them CSI guys in here (the ones from Vegas or Miami, not them Yankee fans from New York) and have it tested. It'll turn the right colors."

"To be totally fair, we won't let the Crossing Jordan lab guys test it either since they're from Boston... and the Yankee idiots wouldn't believe their results anyway."

"They can also prove it's my blood because I also picked a booger while I was sitting on the bench and wiped it on my sock, so they can compare the DNA. My booger, my blood."

"I've also offered my jockstrap for testing since it's my lucky playoff one and I never wash it. It helped me win the world series MVP when I was with the Arizona D'backs and so it has sweat from a couple of playoff runs. My wife wants it out of the house anyway, because she said that it turns the air blue. Right now, it's triple bagged in ziplocs and in a storage shed close to the dump so you can't tell it smells. Guys in the locker room don't mind, because, well, that smells like a locker room."

Lab technicians at all facilities questioned all said that they would pass on testing the athletic supporter.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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