The Kentucky Derby is Depraved and Decadent, so say the Striking Jockeys

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Saturday, 8 April 2023

image for The Kentucky Derby is Depraved and Decadent, so say the Striking Jockeys
Horses, Money, Drugs, Alcohol ... Kentucky

There’s trouble a-brewin’ at the Kentucky Derby!

Jockeys have called for a strike that began last night, in the dark, when all the horses were sleeping.

But this morning, several jockeys hopped on their mounts and formed a line so that horse owners and big money mavens couldn’t pet the horses they loved and exploited so well.

There was Bonny Donny on the outside, coming up hard to Sweetheart Sue, who was rounding the curve and throwing mud at Midnight Morty … and still a length behind the pack rode the Tommy the Tennessee Dream, racing hard alongside Crazy Clive and the cojoined Plucky Twins, Pattie and Paddy … but what’s this? Not easy with the whip is Beamer Baby Bubbles racing along the fence with a twisted ankle and a hunger for rabbits – this used to be a dog racing track – and now neck and neck is Gauntlet Gary demanding shorter work hours and a pom pom on his helmet trying to overcome Slingshot Sammy who feels his pension has been mismanaged and wants blood!

And now scabs and strike breakers have entered the field with baseball bats and alcohol addictions and divorce papers wanting to make a buck by breaking up the jockey line. If only they can keep up! And watch out for that rabbit, ladies and gents, it’s faster than horses and works for carrots!

Stayed tuned to see how this strike works out – maybe tomorrow, maybe in time for the next race with a million dollar prize – or maybe never, until all jockeys get a leg up in the mad world known as the Kentucky Derby!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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