Welcome bowling fans, if you’re just joining us, the angels of Jehovah are doing quite well, but Jehovah himself is not.
The Archangel Michael is leading at 201 points of a possible 300, with Gabriel coming up strong in second place with 189 points, and Raphael at 101. And as we said, Jehovah, Lord of Lords, God of Gods, is staying steady at 66 (one more 6 and he’ll be his own devil).
There’s Gabriel up next, he has a seven-ten split ahead of him … has his glove, on, ball all nicely polished, shoes just the right amount of slippery … and, OH! No it’s a gutter ball … he is not happy about that. Someone’s getting smited tonight.
And Jehovah says he’s not playing anymore. He’s at the snack bar getting a hot dog – no, a cheese dog – or, I guess we should say some kind of tubular meat with cheese-flavoured processed chemical fluid squirted liberally over it … disgusting, but it’s bowling alley food, so what do you expect …
Raphael up next (sounds a bit Ninja Turtle-ish, yes?) and he’s got a Greek Church ahead of him, quite a test of skill, can he do it … and it’s veering a bit heavily to the left – he’s got the left pin, but it did not deflect to the right, so this is still anyone’s game.
And Jehovah is still sulking, he’s at the claw machine trying to get himself a stuffed unicorn … says he won’t come back until the angels play fair – and the unicorn has dropped – resigned to mythology – Jehovah licking cheese off his fingers, too slippery he says to hold the joystick, that’s why the unicorn dropped … Jehovah always blaming someone else for his mistakes.
And if we can head on over to our Earth-based commentator, Tom, what’s the word among the Homo sapiens?
Thanks, Phil, the homos are not happy, they are scared at all the sound and fury in the sky and there’s a lot of lightning, they are wrapped in fear and trembling, sure that the sky is going to fall because God is displeased –
– which he is, but not at his creation, but at himself, for being a terrible bowler.
And a lightning bolt has just hit a tree and started fire! Hopefully the homo sapiens will know what to do with it, unless they’re still scared that’s its part of God’s wrath and they shouldn’t touch it but just let the bush burn – the lightning caught a bush on fire – if the homos use it, they could finally cook all those wildebeest they brained –
Poor helpless creation, those silly things, hopefully they learn to use their higher brain functions, otherwise they should be extinct in a few generations and then the woolly mammoth can reign supreme!
Stay with us, bowling fans, as this exciting sport heats up – and Jehovah just might get his ass back in the game and fix all the shit that He started!
Stay tuned!
