DALLAS – (Sports Satire) – Jerry Jones recently stated that he feels positively certain that his Dallas Cowboys will make it all the way to the Super Bowl (and win it all this coming season).
Jones, told Sports Balls Illustrated’s Dottie Bazooka, that he personally bet Tom Brady $7 million that the Cowboys will beat his Tampa Bay Buccaneers in Super Bowl LVI (56).
He said that he recently visited a voodoo woman in Swampalina, Louisiana, and she informed him to bet lots and lots of money on his team, because they will be appearing in the next Super Bowl.
Jones told Miss Bazooka that he paid the voodoo woman her $2,000 reading fee, plus he tipped her $700].
Jones also pointed out that after firing every member of his 2020 cheerleading squad, he and his two sons, personally interviewed over 4,000 entries and they've hired 32 brand new Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders.
When asked what is so special about the 2021 cheerleaders, he took a sip of his Scotch-on-the-Rocks, and said that the new batch of rah rah girls are not only prettier, they are also sexier, and smarter (with an average IQ of 147).
He pointed out that everyone of the new cheerleaders are so lasciviously gorgeous that each one could easily appear in Playboy Magazine.
J.J. then revealed that unlike last year’s cheerleading squad, these girls have got some huge boobs, so their yelling capacity will definitely be a whole lot greater and louder.
The Cowboys owner was asked about him hiring Beyonce to sing at the Cowboys 2021 home opener. Jones replied that he has in fact hired Texas-native Beyonce to sing during the halftime at the Cowboys first home game.
SIDENOTE: Jerry pointed out that he even convinced Miss Beyonce to perform while wearing a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader uniform.