(NOT EDITED) United's scouting system knows no boundaries when searching for global talent. However, they have beaten the rest to an unknown whizz-kid, who no other club knew about until the sad death of the Argentinian Footy Magician.
Maradona, was quite a wild lad, to put it mildly, and had many one-nighters with females all over the planet. It is quite inconceivable that there are no mini- Maradona's running around a footy pitch with his genes!
United's scouting team decided to go to the back streets of Naples, where he applied his trade for several years, searching high and low for a curly, stubby, footy juvenile genius!
Jackpot, but only after consulting ex-tennis ace, Boris Becker, who unashamedly preferred broom cupboards to extend his genetic network! After they retired, Boris, often met Diego in seedy hotels in Naples, incognito of course. They jested about their conquests, and where they 'hit the button' more frequently.
After a sniff or two, Boris saw Diego enter a broom cupboard, he was small enough, with a gorgeous, African cleaning lady. He later reappeared knackered, and on his knees needing a line!
The boy in question resembles Diego, with only one difference, he is slightly darker, but brother can he keep a football in the air just like his natural dad could! The boy's mum confided to the United scout that she had a broom cupboard one-nighter with Dirty Diego, but she never regretted a thing because of her wonderful son. Maradona's great mates, the local Camorra, took care of his upbringing, and now the boy has signed a lucrative contract with United.
United have declined to tell Brit tabloids about the boy's real roots. However, Jaggedone's CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) star Napoli reporter, Don Cock-Roacheone, just happend to be scurrying in the same broom cupboard looking for the Mafia (wrong city), when Diego raised not his 'Hand to God', and passed his genes onto a budding superstar.
After all the fuss around Maradona's very sad death (RIP) has settled, United's new super-kid will make his debut in a charity match against Diego's favorite team. Boca Juniors. The money raised will go to wannabe footy stars in the back streets of Naples, who are not budding Maradona's, but could be!