Pep Guardiola joins Messi in Catholic Priesthood!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Sunday, 16 August 2020

image for Pep Guardiola joins Messi in Catholic Priesthood!
Pep has seen 'the light' but returning to losers, FC Barca, is futile, so he's joined his precocious son!

(UNEDITED) Being dumped and thumped out of major soccer tournaments leads to inspiration 'from above', especially South American soccer players and, managers who are born in Mediterranean countries, searching for a heavenly sanctuary!

However, after Lionel Messi becoming a Catholic priest and, sacrificing his multi-million career sponsored mainly by Nike, yet another high-profile name has decided to give up his multi-millionaire lifestyle, and join his one-time pupil from FC Barcelona!

Pep Guardiola, has announced his retirement from the game and will join Messi in a papal lifestyle, quite opulent actually, after accepting the fact God will never allow him to win the Champions League with any other side than his beloved FC Barcelona. Pep has tried several times to conquer his Nemesis outside of Catalonia, but failed miserably!

Heathen occupied, geographical areas; snowy Bavaria, and rainy Manchester, have dampened his footy spirit. It now appears, his religious spirit has shone through after reading Jaggedone's sensational spoof about Messi's conversion to Catholic priesthood.

So, Pep will also be ordained by the Pope in Rome, sponsored by Nike, and spread the word, together with Messi, that footy is not everything in life because there are more important things to do like; washing the Pope's feet, telling the world from a very high pulpit how to become humble in the face of defeat, accept the fact that non-Catholic worshippers, pagan Vikings, or Muslims, are also supported by their 'Gods', and winning is everything, but only if your particular God supports you!

Nike and Adidas have agreed to sponsor Pep, Messi, and the Pope, believing millions spent on religious inspiration will increase their market values and, put an end to footy players, of different denominations, crossing their chest or, looking to the heavens before entering the field of play because it didn't work for two massive iconic losers this time; maybe next year?

But before next season's multi-billion circus starts again; the heathen, all conquering, Bavarian Barbarians, will defeat everything standing in the way of their pursuit of the 'ECL Holy Grail', proving Gods really aint got nothing to do with footy!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more