Harry Maguire: Did “The Mole” Purloin Leicester City’s Playbook?

Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Monday, 16 September 2019

image for Harry Maguire: Did “The Mole” Purloin Leicester City’s Playbook?
The Mole Knows All - Sees All

BILLINGSGATE POST: A distraught Jamie Vardy admitted that he was disappointed in his team’s effort in Leicester City’s 0-1 loss to Manchester United this Saturday. He suggested that there may have been foul play involved.

“They knew our scheme better than we did. We may have had a mole in our midst.”

“This could be the greatest scandal in England since the Profumo affair. Heads should roll.”

The Profumo affair was a British political scandal that originated with a brief sexual relationship in 1961 between John Profumo, the Secretary of State for War in Harold Macmillan's Conservative government, and Christine Keeler, a 19-year-old would-be model. At the same time it was believed Keeler was having an affair with a Soviet attaché. It was thought that British intelligence may have been breached.

But no mole story would be complete without acknowledging “The Mole.”

As a baby, the Mole's mother abandoned him in the city's underground service tunnels because of his grotesque appearance. The baby was found by a city worker named Louis Rewes ("sewer" spelt backwards) who adopted the child and raised him.

The Mole apparently started his criminal career as a teenager, and he rose to prominence due his ruthlessness and strength, though his specialty was apparently as a currency counterfeiter.

Mole's gang eventually turned on him and was about to drown him in the bay. Mole was able to convince them to let him live in exchange for providing them with a permanent secret hideout, free of charge. They agreed, but Mole later systematically killed them and took their money. He had one daughter named Molene.

The fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree. Molene double-crossed her dad, furnishing his location to the police for immunity from prosecution.

Slim: “If this is true, it will be a bigger story than Brexit.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Might be making a mountain out of a mole hill.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more