Football Gossip: Nigerian Women, Hickman "Little Shit", Boothroyd Vote of Confidence

Funny story written by Paxton Quigley

Thursday, 27 June 2019

image for Football Gossip: Nigerian Women, Hickman "Little Shit", Boothroyd Vote of Confidence
Get a grip, girls.

After photographic evidence emerged of Nigerian players seemingly protecting testicles while facing a free kick, FIFA has begun an investigation into allegations that Nigeria's Women's World Cup team may not be all it seems.

Coventry City defender Jak Hickman, 20, has made a grovelling apology after posting a Snapchat video of himself putting a white substance on his gums while boasting about “f*cking b*tches” on holiday. After saying "I'll sh*g every girl here," Hickman claimed he is departing the League One outfit. Hickman's Mum told The Spoof "Just wait until the little shit gets home, I'll lock him in his bedroom for a month and confiscate his phone."

England Under-21 manager Aidy Boothroyd has been told his position is not under immediate threat, despite his side's poor performance in exiting the European Championship finals without winning a game. Following this vote of confidence, Boothroyd has of course begun seeking new employment.

In a surprise move Chelsea announced they have agreed terms with want-away Coventry wannabee bad boy Jak Hickman. A club spokesman said "It hasn't been the same here since Ashley Cole, Frank Lampard and John Terry left, so we need someone to restore our reputation for sexual shenanigans. Besides, he'll be on a free and we are under a FIFA transfer ban."

Kilmarnock boss Angelo Alessio hopes his friendship with Inter Milan manager Antonio Conte will help him bring striker Facundo Colidio to Rugby Park on a season-long loan. Alessio told The Spoof "There was some confusion when we told Colidio we wanted him at Rugby Park and he told us he 'hates fucking rugby' but we've sorted it out now."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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