Written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Sunday, 10 March 2019

Arcadia, CA. - The death of over twenty horses this season at Santa Anita may be the work of Losers Anon., a vocal anti-gambling organization in Southern California. They have publicly taken credit for the deaths that caused cancellation of racing twice this month. The track is currently closed.

"We are sorry for the loss of those dead horses, but they gave their lives to end the ugly blot of horse race gambling. We successfully altered the track and racing had to stop," the group claimed.

"We think Losers Anon. is a bunch of blow-hards who are taking responsibility for track conditions that they have no control over," said Rob Renoit, a spokesman for the track. "All indications are that something is wrong with the track's underfooting, probably due to the unusually heavy rain this season, and those idiots couldn't have had anything to do with that!"

Losers Anon. issued a statement in support of their claim: "For 80 years, Santa Anita has been a blight on the landscape and has ruined countless families through gambling addiction. We're glad we closed the track temporarily. Now we need to close it permanently."

And Santa Anita may close forever, but not because of a dangerous track. Revenue has fallen drastically since the state lottery and Indian casinos were legalized a few years ago. The vast parking lot. stables, grandstand and the track itself are a great lure to developers.

If Losers Anon. thought the beautiful race track grounds were a blight, wait till they see the mall that the developers will put there.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more