England surged to a 6-1 victory against Panama today in the most surprising and uplifting match so far in the World Cup.
Harry Kane was so successful at scoring goals during the match that he actually scored a goal withour realising it and had to watch the VAR system before he agreed that he had actually scored yet again.
Statistically, more goals bounced off England players body parts than Panamanian fists did.
The Panama team played really well. That is to say, if the Panama team were performing in a particularly violent dance sequence involving grabbing waists and rolling players over, they would have been playing really well.
By the end of match practically the whole England team had scored, plus extras, team coach, ball boys and team mascot little Johnny Wilkes in his specially commissioned England wheelchair.
In an extraordinary twist the late Keith Chegwin romped onto the pitch dragging his deceased pet behind him and put one past the hapless Panamanian goalkeeper, thus proving a comedian with a dead dog could've scored against them today.