England V Panama

Funny story written by Backandtotheleft

Sunday, 24 June 2018

A dominant display from England saw them trounce a hapless Panamanian side 6-1. Goals from Stones (2) Kane (3) and Lingard ensured England wrapped up their biggest win at a World Cup without breaking a sweat.

Of course after this superb England win journalists and pundits alike couldn’t wait to get stuck into Germany playmaker Mesut Ozil.

Ex-Liverpool resident baldy Danny Murphy said on Radio Fussenballen in Luxemburg: "It’s been a consummate England performance today but it really shines a light on the fact that Ozil once again didn’t have a impact against the biggest teams in the world."

Mesut Ozil of course was a unused substitute for Germany in their match against Sweden but that didn’t stop anyone and everyone sticking the boot in.

Ex-Liverpool hack and slash merchant Dietmar Hamann chimed in with: "Seeing England putting a side to bed early was refreshing but after Germany scored their winner the other night what was Ozils involvement? He didn’t take the shot Kroos did and you’ve got to look at that. Haven’t you?"

Apparently you do as the public waded in. Mark Johnson, teacher and hard Brexit advocate, called Radio Ipswich while the England game was in progress and said: "He just strolls around the pitch doing these dainty little touches and flicks…too girly if you ask me. And he went missing…as usual…..tonight, where was he? Might as well have been back at the German hotel with his feet up watching the soaps."

Amid all the attention focused on Germany's playmaker, you’d probably miss the fact that World Cup history was also made by Panama after Filepe Baloy scored their first ever goal at the tournament.

The joyous scenes that erupted in celebration from the Panamanian players, staff and fans reminded us why we watch the World Cup.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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