Four Girls Injured After Mob Attack At Local Mall

Funny story written by D P Whitehead

Saturday, 17 October 2015


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We have also this week, to publish, with feelings of regret and sympathy, the portraits of four young women who were among the victims of mob fury at a Fort Lauderdale Shopping Mall on a fatal Sunday afternoon.

All from the Fort Lauderdale area, and engaged in private business; they were embarking in the habit of taking self-portrait photographs using their mobile telephonic devices. Miss Roberta Dobson, who was but thirteen years of age, and Miss Shazzam Shazzam, who was seven or eight months older, were set upon by an an angry mob of teenage rivals. No motive for this attack has been reported.

A certain Miss Vagina Lopes and Miss Whitney Beyonce, seeing their friends in danger, gallantly interposed to aid in their defense. They were also unhappily struck down, and injured by savage blows and wounds from the mob as to be transported by motor carriage to a nearby hospital.

Driving on Sunday evening from near the shopping emporium to my abode-a distance of about a mile and a half-I witnessed no less than three fights: one in 17th Street, one on Martin Luther King Avenue, and one outside Walmart. In all of these pugilistic affrays the combatants were teenage girls.

On returning to his abode this reporter made comment to his dear wife that (or words to this effect) "What the fuck is wrong with these nasty little cunts? Whats for dinner by the way? And don't forget to DVR the Walking Dead."

For comedic purposes only this article has been written in Victorian era type scribe. Is it funny? Probably not.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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