Written by Auntie Jean

Monday, 14 July 2014

image for BBC Sell County Cricket Programmes To U.S. To Break The Wills Of Terrorists
Sensory Deprivation

BBC executives have negotiated the sell off, at massive gain for the Corporation, the complete archives of all county cricket matches to the U.S. Military. The tapes are to be used to replace "Waterboarding" as a means of cracking suspects' wills to make them talk.

Hours of Jeffrey Boycutt droning on and the relentless and incomprehensible cricket games have been shown to make the most determined terrorist "sing like a canary" in a few days. After human rights legislation made it illegal to frighten terrorists, it was found that County Cricket had much the same effect as the sensory deprivation tanks of Cold War fame. Americans, long baffled by cricket have been buying millions of copies of "The Dummy's Guide To Cricket" to help them to stay sane in case they are mistakenly interrogated.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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