Neurologist: Cam Newton has damaged Haberdashery cortex

Funny story written by thomas o'hanlon

Tuesday, 20 December 2016

image for Neurologist: Cam Newton has damaged Haberdashery cortex
Cam's choice for next post game head-ware

Dr. Ralph Beekman, department head of Admiral university's famed Brain trauma institute is also a season ticket holder to the Carolins Panthers. In his expert opinion Cam Newton "has sustained an unusually high number of semi-concussions this year that has led to his peculiar choice of hats to wear at this year's post-game interviews."

Dr. Beekman explains that "I have seen the blows to the head and I have seen the hats and I can easily determine that he has suffered damage to his Haberdashery cortex"

According to Dr. Beekman's book "What the hell is in a Brain" The haberdashery Cortex began developing in man's brains in the early 20th century. It triggers the choice of hats to be worn for any occasion. When in war it is the haberdashery Cortex that chooses the helmet to shield from bullets, when in love it is the haberdashery cortex that chooses a swell Fedora to attract a female, when fishing it is the Haberdashery cortex that chooses a baseball cap to say 'leave me alone, I'm going fishing'.

"I do not think the damage is permanent however" said Dr. Beekman "a nice relaxing off-season will heal the brain and I believe that Cam will eventually look back at some of the hats he wore this year and say "I told you the refs don't like me."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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