Soccer Players Part of "Homosexual Abomination"

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Tuesday, 8 July 2014


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An Orthodox Russian priest is celebrating Russia's loss in the World Cup. This is because it's all part of a "homosexual abomination" plan to oppose Christianity.

Father Alexander Shumsky has apparently determined this by looking at the brightly colored kit of the various teams playing in Brazil. He seems particularly offended by the various multi-color shoes that the players have chosen to wear.

The cleric has a column on the Christian website "Russian People's Line" where he argues that players who wear green, yellow, pink or blue shoes helped promote the "gay rainbow."
The Priest said, "The liberal ideology of globalism clearly wants to oppose Christianity with football. I'm sure of it. Therefore I am glad that the Russian players have failed and, by the grace of God, no longer participate in this homosexual abomination.

He also said, "Wearing pink or blue shoes, [the players] might as well wear women's panties or a bra."

Father Shumsky is well known in Russia for handing whips to Cossacks who whipped 2 Pussy Riot women, and telling people to take down pictures of Jesus where he appears in a white robe and gold aura.

"White and gold are part of the gay rainbow," he said.

Father Shumsky also has strong opinions about women: He recently sent a letter to Hobby Lobby praising its efforts to "preserve the purity of women" by refusing to provide "satanic condoms" to them.

"Condoms only encourage them to engage in deviant sex. I hope that you understand that women are essentially defiled creatures that are why menstruating women should not partake of the Holy Communion in The Russian Orthodox Church. Is that true in your church?" By the way, I urge you to look at the shoes of the men in church to ascertain whether they should be excluded for being gay," he said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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