Terrell Owens' Injury Was "Not Football Related," says HBO's Bryant Gumbel

Funny story written by Douglas Salguod

Sunday, 17 September 2006

image for Terrell Owens' Injury Was "Not Football Related," says HBO's Bryant Gumbel
The Big Tuna Instructs T.O., the Big Tuna Fisher

IRVING, Texas -- Terrell Owens' hamstring injury, which kept him out of full practice for most of the preseason, was not, as previously thought, football related, Bryant Gumbel will report next Tuesday on HBO's "Real Sports."

Owens is on record as saying his left hamstring bothered him "since the first week of practice." But inside sources with Owens' entourage told Gumbel that T.O. was injured while tuna fishing in the Gulf of Mexico just before the training camp began.

When confronted with the tuna fishing reports, Owens told Gumbel they were true. "They can say what they want, I was practicing. Practicing pulling in a big fat tuna."

"Deep sea fishing is a lot more like pro football than you people would understand. You gotta use the right bait. Give 'em something they want. Once you hook a big one, you gotta be patient. Bring him in, let him out, bring him in, let him out, until you wear him down," said Owens. "It's tough, physical work but mostly it's a mental game -- just like the NFL."

"If you watched the preseason closely, you could see I came in in mid-season form," said Owens.

When asked by Gumbel if he "hauled in" the tuna he had hooked when his hamstring pulled, Owens said, "Let's just say I'm feeding my family . . . tuna cheesy every night."

Dallas coach Bill Parcells had no comment, in keeping with his policy of not commenting on fishing or fishing-related stories after two-a-days end.

Dallas owner Jerry Jones said it was "organizational decision" to allow Owens to tuna fish in the offseason, though at this point this point he would prefer that Owens "would stick to something easier on his hammies such as riding in the Tour de France or racing motorcycles with Big Ben Roethlisberger."

CORRECTION: Yesterday we reported that the Nashville Predators of the National Hockey League had hired a Janet Jackson look-alike to be their mascot. That was incorrect. Actually, the Predators hired a Michael Jackson look-alike to be their mascot. The Salguod Report regrets the error.

Copyright 2006, Douglas Salguod

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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