Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones Says Coach Jason Garrett Is Going To Have To Start Talking

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 24 February 2013

image for Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones Says Coach Jason Garrett Is Going To Have To Start Talking
Jerry Jones says that the Cowboy cheerleaders are going to have to step it up. (Photo by Rico Chorizo).

DALLAS - The owner of the Dallas Cowboys Jerry Jones sat sullen-faced in a private party room at the swank Le Loins of Joan of Arc Restaurant in downtown Big D.

He was seated at a table with two team executives, three Cowboys cheerleaders, and Rufus Reno with Sports Balls Illustrated Daily.

Jones stated that although he has been severely criticized by Cowboy fans from Lubbock to Brownsville and El Paso to Galveston, he has no plans to get rid of either Coach Jason Garrett or quarterback Tony Romo.

The gray-haired owner remarked that yes he is depressed at the fact that his team failed to make the NFL playoffs again, but he noted that he places some of the blame on himself.

He said that he realizes that Coach Garrett is a very quiet, soft-spoken man unlike former Dallas coaches Bill Parcells, Jimmy Johnson, or Barry Switzer.

But he pointed out that he can fix quiet and he will be meeting with Coach Garrett and he will stress the fact that he needs to become a little more animated on the sidelines and in the Cowboy locker room.

The 70-year-old owner even disclosed the fact that he plans to insist that Garrett start cussing a little bit and act more like basketball's legendary crazy coach Bobby Knight, minus the chair-throwing of course.

Turning to Tony Romo he commented that he believes he has found the reason why Tony throws so many friggin interceptions.

Jones explained that Romo needs to upgrade his contact lense prescription because at times he has clearly thrown the ball right to the opposing players.

And turning to the three cheerleaders at the table, Jones remarked that he is going to insist that they start cheering louder because at times they can hardly be heard over the roar of the opposing team's fans.

He also emphasized that he will insist that they show a little more skin in order to attract some of the season ticket holders who have not renewed their 2013 season tickets.

In Other News. Todd Palin is reportedly very worried about his wife Sarah. He said that a few days ago he found her wandering around outside their home in the snow at 2 a.m. wearing only a black push up bra and animal print bikini thong panties. He pointed out that she was holding a high-powered telescopic rifle and muttering that she was waiting for a state-owned helicopter to pick her up and take her moose hunting.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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