European Finance Ministers held an early morning crisis meeting in Brussels today, in order to discuss the implications for the Eurozone after both Manchester clubs crashed out of the Europa League football tournament on Thursday evening.
Ministers expressed concerns that it has only been the European football competitions which have helped the Euro to stay afloat, with English fans exchanging currencies and then staying in expensive hotels in Europe, and splashing out Euros on drinking themselves into oblivion and shelling out on the spot fines to swarthy foreign police officers.
Not to mention virtually supporting the European sex industry single handedly, with trips to brothels and red light districts figuring highly on the travelling fans agenda.
With City losing out to Sporting Lisbon and United suffering a mauling at the hands of Athletic Bilbao, there will be no further incursions of marauding Mancunian hordes into the fleshpots and dives of some of Europe's leading cities.
At least for the remainder of this season.
"I think there's only Chelsea left now," a Spanish delegate groaned. "And we make nothing from Chelsea supporters. They are notoriously tight fisted, and instead of staying in upmarket hotels, they hang out in gay bars all night drinking white wine spritzers. We don't want that. We want the proper Cockernees and the hard drinking, hard living Northern types."
The EU is said to have tabled a proposal to UEFA to start a new competition, which they propose to call the "Heyoop League" inviting northern teams like Burnley, Barnsley, Bradford City, Accrington Stanley, Hull City, and the Sheffield clubs, along with Preston North End, Blackpool, Wrexham, and Carlisle United to play in Europe.
"These people have kept a shit hole like Benidorm going for decades," one Minister told reporters. "There is no reason why they can't come over here to get pissed and pick up their duty-frees more often. It's sad, but these people could be the Euro's last ditch chance for survival."
More as we get it.
