There were 53 spoof news snippets published in September 2019. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Trump Prohibits Danish Coffee Cake, Great Danes on Hold
In an escalation with Denmark over the sale of Greenland, President Trump has banned Danish coffee cake from the White House cafeteria. Until further notice, Great Dane dogs will be permitted.
written by Amiko Aventurista, 01 September 2019
Trump Overwhelms House of Representatives With His Impeachable Offenses
Every time the House meets to go over the offenses, by the time they quit, he's committed 100 more!
written by Al N., 01 September 2019
Bill Cosby Still Waiting for Presidential Pardon
"I can't believe he would leave me in prison just for grabbing some pussy!" said Cosby.
written by Al N., 01 September 2019
Trump Tweets for the 28th Time That He's Never Heard of a "Category 5" Storm
He was also surprised to find out they have "weather reports", and that he didn't need to tweet the info.
written by Al N., 04 September 2019
Stranded Alien Signalled The Pope
The Pope called an immediate balcony audience to wave in an alien who had signalled for emergency landing directions. "JP II says Luv U" beamed the aliens using light bursts in Morse Code. "QE tutu".
written by Madame George, 04 September 2019
New Slug Family Classified - not Recognized
Richard Dawkins, famous atheist, has refused to recognize a new slug family classification identified by University of Warwick biology researchers, stating their winged shapes make them unfeasible.
written by Madame George, 04 September 2019
Hair Stylists unite Name New Styles of the Century
Top 5 Style Makers - 2019:
1. Boris Johnson - "Explodo Head".
2. Donald Trump - "Cliff Hanger."
3. Tilda Swinton - "Pippin loves us all."
4. TBA
5. Marilyn Manson "Black is - paint this, bitch."
written by Madame George, 04 September 2019
Debra Messing Mysteriously Disappears
In other news, Trump and Debra Messing had a Twitter storm fight.
written by Al N., 05 September 2019
Hasbro Buys Death Row Records
New artists signed to the label include G.I.Joe, Mr. Potato Head, Power Rangers and My Little Pony.
written by Al N., 05 September 2019
Trump and VP Pence Not Getting Along Since Pence Stayed at Trump Hotel in Ireland
Pence complain!ed about no hot water, bad food, and rude staff, and gave it only one star on Yelp!
written by Al N., 06 September 2019
Trump Wants to Build a Wall Around Alabama
"I've used my Sharpie to indicate where the wall should go to protect Alabama from hurricanes."
written by Al N., 07 September 2019
Presidential Candidate Dies
Due to the death of a prominent presidential candidate, there is some speculation that the recently deceased man may have to drop out of the race.
written by Gene Morrison, 07 September 2019
Sharpie Stock Price Soar after Trump Uses One to Move a Hurricane
With one simple stoke of a sharpie President Trump moved the trajectory of hurricane Dorian to the delight of Alabama residents, and the price of Sharpie stock to the pleasure of its shareholders!
written by Amiko Aventurista, 08 September 2019
Trump Has Renamed the White House the "Donald Trump Towers White House"
This will give the U.S. more global recognition than just plain old dumb 'White House'" said Trump.
written by Al N., 12 September 2019
Trump Invites Taliban and Al Qaeda to White House for Special Ceremony
It was the release of the "Trump Highlights Reel," which Trump hopes will bring peace to the world.
written by Al N., 12 September 2019
Trump's Alexa Starts World War III
Trump was in the bathroom and yelled out "Launch Missile!!"
written by Al N., 13 September 2019
DUP to Join 18h Century
Arlene Foster to be publicly burnt as a heretic witch, say leaders. Willing to move forward at least 100 years promise "to be tested by denouncing witchcraft and folk remedies".
written by Doubting Thomas, 14 September 2019
Trump Bans Harry Maguire From All U.S. Media
"Enough is enough! This guy's getting more coverage than I am! How disrespectful!" Trump tweeted.
written by Al N., 14 September 2019
Only One Democrat Would Lose to Trump if the Election Were Held Today!
And Hillary would come a lot closer this time!
written by Al N., 14 September 2019
Jerry Falwell Sr. Spinning in His Grave is New Energy Source
In other news, Falwell, Jr. has been kicked out of the Moral Majority.
written by Al N., 17 September 2019
Trump Sees the Joker Movie and Wants to Appoint Him to His Cabinet
He mentions that they can share makeup tips.
written by Al N., 17 September 2019
Study Reveals: 94% of Americans Believe Everything They Read Online
See!
written by SamIAm, 19 September 2019
President Trump to Ramp-Up His War on Reality
Ecstatic supporters chanted, "Lock the truth up!"
written by C/L, 19 September 2019
Trump Announces His Wall Will Be Hot Enough to Fry an Egg On
So his wall is going to be at least 130 degrees? Will Mexico be paying the heating bill?
written by Al N., 20 September 2019
Trump Advice For Blackface Trudeau
Donald Trump has advised blackface enthusiast Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau that if he's going to do something racist, do it on Twitter. "I do it all the time and nobody notices!" Trump revealed.
written by Stefano M. Stefano, 20 September 2019
Old Photos of Canada PM Justin Trudeau Have Been Discovered of Him in Oriental Costuming and Make-up
Canada is now no longer welcome in China, Japan, Indonesia, both Koreas, and 42 other countries.
written by Al N., 20 September 2019
10 Out Of Every 8 Americans Struggle With Fractions
There's an epidemic plaguing America: the inability to understand fractions. Researchers estimate that there is a 342% chance that dire consequences will arise.
written by Gene Morrison, 21 September 2019
The NASDAQ Closes at a Record High Today
Trump's Laughing Stock Inc. is driving the market!
written by C/L, 22 September 2019
Trump is On the News So Much...
In a recent poll, most Americans admit they would rather watch ads or a blank TV screen than Trump.
written by Al N., 23 September 2019
Gun Industry Gets Around Bump Stock Ban
They're now reclassified as a sex-toy accessory.
written by C/L, 23 September 2019
Russian Federation Election-Meddling Corporation to Make Public Offering
"We're no longer limited to just exporting violence and gas."
written by C/L, 23 September 2019
Putin's Post Rigged-American-Election Plans
"To finally declare the US as a proper Russian colony".
written by C/L, 23 September 2019
US Hopeful of a Return to Democracy after 2020 Election
American voters gearing up to dissolve Trump Dictatorship in 2020 Presidential Election.
written by C/L, 23 September 2019
President Trump Refuses to Leave His Bedroom
Trump's entire hairpiece collection discovered to have been stolen.
written by C/L, 23 September 2019
President Trump Creates New Ethnic Classification On Census Form
Trump will now check off box next to the ethnic category titled 'Orange'.
written by C/L, 23 September 2019
Vice-President Pence Has Air Force Two Land on Michigan's Mackinac Island
The Mackinac Island Council has set a bounty on Pence since even autos aren't allowed on the island.
written by Al N., 24 September 2019
Trump's Putting His Faith in Christian Voters
"I've been telling them that I'll launder all of their god's money for a second term in office."
written by C/L, 24 September 2019
Evangelicals Worried that God Might be Rational
"No new books in the bible clearly indicate that God is embracing science now".
written by C/L, 24 September 2019
Major Soft Drink Brand to Market New Enema Product
Their tag line, "A Coca-Colon enema helps the rectal go down, in the most delightful way".
written by C/L, 24 September 2019
Trump Will Station Troops In Ireland in Attempt to Get Denmark to Sell Greenland to the U.S.
While in Ireland the troops will all stay at Trumps Irish Resort.
written by Al N., 24 September 2019
Trump Has Mortgaged the White House in Order to Get Money for the Wall
He is still negotiating with a few banks about a loan on Camp David.
written by Al N., 24 September 2019
The International Association of Umpa Lumpas Petition Trump
"Stop wearing orange-face, immediately"!
written by C/L, 25 September 2019
Trump Doesn't Think the U.S. Should Help Stop the Amazon Fire
"Jeff Bezos has all that money. He should get some new firefighting equipment from Amazon Prime."
written by Al N., 25 September 2019
Trump Asks President of Albania to Investigate Elizabeth Warren's Cousins
He has also asked the President of Georgia to "get some dirt' on Bernie Sander's housekeeper.
written by Al N., 25 September 2019
Trump Says He Didn't Realize He Was Talking to the President of the Ukraine or He Would Have Handled it Differently
"I got mixed up and thought I was talking to Uruguay, who all the countries push around" said Trump.
written by Al N., 27 September 2019
Trump is Taking Immigrants Out of Their Cages and Putting Them to Work in His Hotels
"It is purely voluntary and some of them might advance to working outside on the golf course!"
written by Al N., 27 September 2019
Attorney General Barr Okays New Trump Executive Order to Waterboard Whistle-Blowers
Waterboarding is for a 1st offense-for a 2nd offense they have to listen to hours of Trump speeches.
written by Al N., 27 September 2019
Spain Has Removed Former Dictator Francisco Franco From His Mausoleum to a "Normal Grave"
He is actually being re-interred in the rear parking lot of a Spanish shopping center.
written by Al N., 29 September 2019
Brett Kavanaugh is Glad That Impeachment Proceedings Have Made People Forget the New Accusations About Him
However, as soon as Kavanaugh gave the speech, everyone remembered again. His hearings start Monday.
written by Al N., 29 September 2019
Trump Announces the Census Will Only Count Republicans
He also announced that if you aren't counted in the census, you can't vote in the 2020 election.
written by Al N., 29 September 2019
Democrats Have Started Impeachment Proceedings to Protect Hunter Biden
They are worried that the former Vice-President's son is too close to, ironically, vice.
written by Al N., 29 September 2019
Trump Has Bus Parked on White House Lawn
"Since I'll be throwing a lot of people under the bus, I might as well have it close by" said Trump.
written by Al N., 29 September 2019
Melania Trump's Home Country Slovenia Won't Take Her Back
They don't want Donald to come there looking for her.
written by Al N., 29 September 2019
