Pentagon hacker Gary McKinnock fights US extradition bid
But 'Aliens made me do it' defense cuts no ice with Roswell/Area 51 jail governor who's sending a posse to London on 4th July.
written by queen mudder, 03 July 2009
Sheep spotted wearing people
Sheared sheep have been spotted wearing humans to keep themselves warm on chilly evenings.
Oink oink
written by unknown
Nationals Face Naked Truth
The Washington Nations baseball team, locked in last place once again, sign beautiful naked woman as designated runner to draw thinning crowds back to ballpark.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
South Rises Again!
The South rises again, gets up off the couch and goes into the kitchen for a beer and some snacks, then back to NASCAR on TV.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
Governor Sarah Palin Resigns
In response to her functional illiteracy becoming public knowledge, Palin steps down. Governor's press secretary disputes this, saying she is resigning "cause Jesus told her to"
written by Daniel Williams, 03 July 2009
The Big Bully
Canada warns Grenada to lay off Great Britain or they'll have to answer to THEM.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
Helping Your Trucking Buddies
Only so-so hot wings being served now by so very good hot chick at restaurant on I-65 South near Indianapolis, Indiana exit. Pass it on.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
Willow's pregnancy blamed for Sarah Palin resignation shocker
The pitbull in lipstick governor is out on her Alaskan ass as second daughter follows sibling Bristol down the single parent welfare check route to stardom
written by queen mudder, 03 July 2009
Japanese Noise Makers Needed
Japan is considering the introduction of noise-making devices such as the elephant-Godzilla type for near-silent hybrid cars following safety fears from vision-impaired pedestrians.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
US Trying To Boycott NKorea
Angry Americans demand that North Korea manufacture something besides weapons that we can boycott!
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
In The Bag!
This years winner of the Person Accomplishing The Most With One Testicle", now for the eighth year in a row. "Most people thought I already had it in the bag", stated Armstrong.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
Employee Fired For Trying To Help
Employee caught in the act at work fired after claiming he was just trying to track down the "Red-Hot Naked Mama Virus".
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
Sounds About Right
Congress announces new health plan that will charge those who can not afford health insurance, to fork over $1,000 penalty.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
Schwarzenegger Makes Announcment
California Governor Schwarzenegger, in order to help get Californians minds off the state's economy, declares July 10th, "Everybody Goes To Work Naked Day".
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
Romney In 2012?
Mitt Romney announces that he would run the country differently if elected President in 2012. "I am no George W. Bush", states Romney and Pulls out DNA evidence to prove it.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
Heat To Floods
Heatwave comes to an end as temperatures drop and torrential rain sweeps in. Thousands cooling off in living room's flooded pools.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
Chesters Being Arrested
Hundreds of men 'wrongly convicted of being paedophiles after becoming victims of identity theft' as over 500 Chester The Molesters brought in by local police all over England.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
Just A Glitch
Couple's £1million dream home faces demolition because of planning software glitch as twice-the-size house blocks entire neighborhood.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
Tooth Helps Man See
Blind man sees wife for first time after having a TOOTH implanted into his eye. Surgeon says that he used an eye tooth.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
Parents Banned From Kid's Event
Parents have been banned from attending their children's sports day in an extraordinary measure to protect pupils from child abductors and paedophiles. Over 100 arrested at last year's event.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
My Biggest Achievement
Being the "life model" for the Oscar Meyer, WeinerMobile."
written by tlmedia, 03 July 2009
Met Police Royal Cover Up
The former head of the Met Police's royalty protection division has denied covering up "embarrassing" royal incidents with a whoopie cushion and bottle of perfume in his pocket.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
Postman Tips Off Police
The body of a pensioner has been found in a tenement flat in Edinburgh where it has lain for up to five years. Postman Ed Bell reported unusual half ton of mail on front porch had fell into yard.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
School Secretary Disgusted
Schools Secretary Ed Head said to be scratching his balls after reports of parents cheating to get kids into better schools.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
Pyongyang Beer, Less Taste/More Filling
North Korea's latest launch is not missiles, but a TV advertising campaign for a locally-brewed beer, Pyongyang Piss Water.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
Pinho, In The Flesh
Portugal's Economy Minister Manuel Pinho has resigned after making a rude cuckold gesture at an opposition MP. He then dropped his pants and mooned the rest of the opposition.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
What's His Ass May Return In Honduras
A top Latin American diplomat due to visit Honduras says he will demand the restoration of the country's deposed President. "The people want their own beloved leader uh ...What's His Ass!"
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
Jackson Memorial Tuesday
A memorial service for Michael Jackson will be held on Tuesday at the Staples Center in Los Angeles where he had been rehearsing for his London concerts. No one under 13 will be admitted.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
UK Staff To Be Tried
Some UK embassy staff detained in Tehran and accused of inciting protests after disputed elections will face trial, a top Iranian cleric says. "They have made confessions after only a few stripes."
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
No Calls For Investigation Of Mothers Not Lying To Get Children Into Good Schools
It has been announced today to the amazement of all, that there will be no investigation of mothers who do not care about their "kids" education enough to lie for them.
written by Blazing Saddle, 03 July 2009
Cherie Blair faces subpoena in Madoff conspiracy probe
Federal investigators say her legendary greed 'only second to Madoff himself' as they freeze her Swiss offshore bank accounts.
written by queen mudder, 03 July 2009
Nazi royal family 'hexing the tennis' says Boris Becker
"They should spray the Center Court arena with vermin repellant before Sunday's Fedderer/Roddick finals!"
written by queen mudder, 03 July 2009
No chance of Queen in Wimbledon royal box on Sunday
Palace sources reckon on a 'Wacko Jacko' mystery demise will see her finally off on Independence Day.
written by queen mudder, 03 July 2009
Some Catholics Depressed
Pope Benedict XVI just sitting over there on his thrown thinking up more fun things that we can no longer do, the old fart.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
Rap Star R.I.P.
Rap Star who had just been paid over $10 million to sign recording contract robbed and killed by his old gang buddies.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
Lizzie Borden Case Hacked
The US Federal Bureau of Investigation said today that all their old records on the Lizzie Borden case, stored on their computer records, have been hacked.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
Republicans Accuse Sotomayor
Republican: Supreme Court Justice nominee, Sotomayor had ties to extreme group, known as the Democrat Party.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
Guv Must Earn Trust
SC gov's wife says cheating husband must earn back trust as soon as he's back from his latest nature hike.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
States Celebrate Last Fourth?
States set to ring in Independence Day sans budget. Some plan to withdraw from Union as they can't afford to support Washington giveaways.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
Meatheads Apparently OK
Plant disease hits eastern US veggies early, hard. "They may have to take some meat pills to avoid sickness", says FDA spokesman.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
Senate Health Care Plan
Under Senate health care plan, either way you pay unless you're an illegal immigrant, of course.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
American Institute for Sexual Studies reports masturbation in the country has increased this week.
It must have something to do with television and radio stations constantly playing Michael Jackson's "Beat It."
written by unknown
I Am Not A Heavy Smoker
I do smoke three packs a day but I only weigh 185 Lbs. Hey that's not heavy.
written by tlmedia, 03 July 2009
Wimbledon Men's Semi-Final Day - Andy Wins - Plays Roger In Final
In the second semi-final of the day, Andy put on an amazing display of stroke making and beat Andy. He will meet Roger in the final and lose.
written by Ron Smith, 03 July 2009
Michael Jackson Autopsy Shockers
Officials say they literally found the little boy in Jackson. Not sure how he got there, doctors estimate the young child asphyxiated inside the pop star at some point in the 80's
written by Daniel Williams, 03 July 2009
Berlin Airlift Began 61 Years Ago
Thank you USAF for doing a superb job under hazardous conditions. Rumors still persist that submarines were the first choice to get supplies into Berlin, but they didn't have enough cargo space.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 July 2009
Afghanistan Civilian Homes to be Protected
US troops cannot fire on civilian homes when the Taliban are seen entering to hide. The GIs monthly pay will be deducted in accordance with a fee schedule for any damaged drainpipes or roof shingles.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 July 2009
Paper Ballot Voting
States have replaced electronic voting machines by paper ballots, as liberals were afraid George W Bush was hacking their votes. Once again politicians can steal an election as was done in Iran!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 July 2009
Postage Rates to Rise Again
In response to President Obama's claim that the American Clean Energy and Security Act of 2009 will cost consumers less than the price of a stamp per day, stamps will now cost $6.30 each.
written by Adam Click, 03 July 2009
Lighthouse Keeper Fired
Drunken lighthouse keeper fired after using slides of 100-foot Godzilla to flash out over the ocean.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
Not A Dog Person
Woman who claimed she wasn't "a dog person" in refusing a free puppy, sure looked like one to most.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
I've Swallowed My Ice Cream Spoon!
A new study shows that 95% of drivers in the US sometimes drive while talking on cellphone, eating burgers or just daydreaming. Other 5% killed in car wrecks.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
Dead Rat Pack Welcome Jackson
The Dead Rat Pack of Sammy Davis Junior, Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra and Peter Lawford welcome Michael Jackson. Big song & dance routines being worked out, with some great jokes between them.
written by Bureau, 03 July 2009
