Big Old Sucker!
The San Diego Chicken turned into one huge bat for the Vampire/Twilight section of weekend show.
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
Friendly Dolphin, Dorks Keep Woman In Water
A New Zealand swimmer got into difficulty when a friendly dolphin stopped her returning to shore. Those on shore yell, "He says, 'not until you remove that bikini!'"
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
"You're 40! Get Your Stuff And Go!"
A Saudi man who boasted about his sexual conquests on an Arabic TV station has tearfully apologised and asked his mother to let him move back into basement, as calls mounted for him to be punished.
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
Sometimes You Get A Gimme
A replacement for the old black and white stripes of the traditional bar code has been "outlined" by US researchers. I don't have to do anything here. This one's a gimme.
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
Some Negotiations Going Well
Top leaders of the US and China are meeting in Washington to discuss key economic & political differences, while in the next room, Hillary & North Korean diplomat are having a heated farting contest.
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
Cash For Hookers Begins
New government program, "Cash For Hookers" begins today so bring in that old rod and get $4500 off new one, plus a 2007 slightly used hooker.
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
State Turns To Federal Government
The case of the South Carolina's Governor flying to South America to visit girlfriend handed over to Foreign Affairs.
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
Cheesemakers Festival
Cheesemakers Festival to take place in Vermont. Come to our Montpelier as it's time to cut the cheese!
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
Dead Zone, Triangle Much Overblown
Gulf's 'dead zone' much smaller than predicted. Also, Burmuda Triangle mainly only effects those wearing loud short pants.
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
Israel Challenges Iran
Israel sends out message to Iran, "Enough talk already, it's time to go outside and put up your Nukes."
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
Health Care Costlier
Op-Ed: Health care status quo grows costlier daily, unlike that of gasoline, oil and groceries.
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
"Wonderful Night For A Moonjog"
Astronauts speed through fifth and final spacewalk by doing the first ever moon jog.
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
US/Russia War Of Nerves
US Vice President Biden hits nerve in Russia. "We'll hit his nerves pulling those hair plugs out of his bald head", says Medvedev.
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
Penn St. Top Party School
Penn St. takes top party school title in survey. Quakers the worst, approaching women with, "Nothing is better for thee, than me" line.
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
Japan's Lab Fixed
Spacewalkers complete Japan's laboratory complex. Now face long walk from Japan back to space station.
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
Like Palestine and Israel
Government Study: Government plan can coexist with private insurance as long as each has equal access to borrowing money from China.
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
New Florida State Motto
Florida announces a new state motto: "Come for the golf and gulf, stay for the string bikinis".
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
Clinton Exchanges Jibes With NKorea
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton trades jibes with North Korea. Mr. T. announces that there's too much jibber jabber going on.
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
Chinese Create Mice
Chinese create mice from skin cells, white rabbits from old top hats.
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
Iran Eliminates Opposition Party
Admininjad's opposition leader's brother-in-law arrested, along with 47 other members of the family, on suspicions of "Acting Up!"
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
Texas Curt Case Settled
Texas sect custody case decided as family of 27 awarded to Madonna.
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
Slowdown Swine Flu Vaccine
Production slow on Swine Flu vaccines, with developed nations trying to hog more than their share.
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
Obama To Mark Legislation
Obama to mark disabilities rights law. October the first, he plans to piss on cabinet holding information.
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
Park Cuts Snowmobilers To Half
Proposal would halve snowmobile limit in Yellowstone. So after you get your hunting license, you can only shoot two snowmobile operators during Winter hunting season. Any more and it's Murder One.
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
FEMA: Any Day Now!
"FEMA has still not came through for us, even with Obama as President", say New Orleans family living in wheelie bin.
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
Probably Using Up All That Gas
Tests show that the more miles a person drives, the more road rage a person has, says Professor Big Dumbass from Podunk U.
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
Obama Settling Dispute
Obama: Let Harvard's Professor Gates and the young police officer come over to the White House & we'll have a beer together and we'll blast his white ass good.
written by Bureau, 27 July 2009
Chinese Panda Born From Frozen Sperm
"This not unusual really - because Polar Bears are ALWAYS born from frozen sperm." said leading naturalist Dr Stanley Onionburgh today.
written by IN SEINE, 27 July 2009
Pakistan tests Long-Dong missile
A day after India launched a N-sub, Pakistan test-fired its new 'LambaTulla'missile, a variant of the N.Korean Long-Dong missile. Intelligence reports say the missile flew 2.7 km before crashing.
written by Ghatotkacha, 27 July 2009
TheSpoof.com Is #1
TheSpoof.com came in the top spot of MammaMia's Most Hated Sites Of The Century! It even beat Perez Hilton, TMZ among others! That's an achievment.
written by unknown
Why Palin left Alaska
Palin resigned in hopes of replacing the Toco Bell dog, it has been revealed by sources in Alaska.
written by disciple, 27 July 2009
Massachusetts Health Care Plan Seen as Model for USA
MA Health care plan taxes on small businesses require some to shut down one quarter of their operations to pay the extra costs. Don't laugh; a similar plan may be on the way from the US Congress.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 July 2009
Height of Humans and Cancer Related
Researchers determine that every additional 2" of height increases the risk of cancer. Engineers are modifying large compression machines and drop forging equipment to alleviate this problem.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 July 2009
