Sr Swithin's Day, 15 July
St Swithin's Day if thou dust reign, For Fawlty Days t'will be insane.... St Swithin's Say if thou be Sunni, Naughty days t'will reign like milk and honey...
written by queen mudder, 14 July 2009
New Twitter service for the really thick.
Twitter, the world wide micro blog phenomenon, is to be launch a new service for idiots. It will be known as "Twatter"
written by Everyman, 14 July 2009
Homeless Man Rebuffed
Approached man known as 'Cockney Dave' with outstretched hand pleading he hadn't eaten for three days.
"Force yourself" came the reply.
written by Skoob1999, 14 July 2009
Pope To Start New 24 Hour Internet Radio Service
All Gregorian chants, all the time.
written by Wire Piddle, 14 July 2009
15-foot shark washes ashore in N.Y.
Believed to have worked for Goldman Sachs.
written by Wire Piddle, 14 July 2009
Oleg Deripaska 'may quit Britain'
Russian billionaire, Oleg Deripaska admitted today that he may quit Britain. "This is because nobody can spell my name properly!"
written by IN SEINE, 14 July 2009
New Chinese Restaurant Opens, And....
The food is delicious and great service, but because the chef is 1/2 Chinese and 1/2 German you get a "craving for power" in 2 hours.
written by tlmedia, 14 July 2009
Laughed His Ass Off
Children's ward doctor who was caught giggling after inhaling laughing gas faces being struck off. Ass had already fell off from wild laughter.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Gang Brain Scans
Brain scans on teenage street gangs can trace reasons for their life of crime, though very little brain there to scan.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Pill Reduces Body Fat Fast
The pill that could reduce body fat by half in a week! It's the cyanide pill, once popular during World War II!
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Wheelie Bin License Next?
Maths teacher crushed to death in rubbish truck after falling asleep in wheelie bin following night of drinking. Two others injured during wheelie races.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Drug Mule Gives Herself Away
Drug mule found with £83,000 of cocaine in golf clubs rumbled by questions about her 'handicap' and answer of "83,000! Whoops!"
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
No More Practice Runs
Reports from southern Lebanon say there have been a number of explosions at a weapons depot belonging to the Hezbollah movement during suicide bomber practice.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Children At Riots
A senior policeman has said young children were involved in rioting in north Belfast on Monday which he said was orchestrated by criminal conductors.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Strangler Sentence Reduced To Manslaughter
A man dubbed the Stockwell Strangler for killing seven people has had his murder convictions reduced to manslaughter on appeal that he was crazy at the time as proven by voting records, football bets.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Postal Workers Strike?
More than 12,000 postal workers are to strike on Friday in a row over jobs, pay and services, the Communication Workers Union has announced on their web page.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Nut Finally Arrested
A US fugitive has been arrested by Israeli immigration police assisted by squirrels after an international supremacist nut hunt.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Things Improving In Middle East
Iran 'executes Sunni militants'. Kurds execute 'Shiite militants'. Iraq executes 'Kurd militants'.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Two French Advisers Kidnapped
Two French security advisers helping the Somali government have been kidnapped in the capital Mogadishu, French officials have said. Fear they have been forced to walk the plank.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
What Are You Doing Right Now?
A third of young people regularly access Facebook and Twitter via their mobile, a new report has found. Mostly with messages such as, "Bureau is on the commode and has shit two small turds so far."
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
French Youths Riot
French youths set 317 cars on fire and wounded 13 police officers overnight during a series of riots on the eve of the Bastille Day holiday. Police say worse than Truffle Day.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Mannequin Lovers Paradise
Wannabe Latin lovers can improve their technique by playing with the erogenous zones of naked mannequins at a new interactive exhibition that has opened in Berlin, but save the rest till you get home.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Sunshine Insurance
Travel agents offer sunshine insurance, although they say they may have to exempt those touring rain forest. "Lost a few bucks there", says CEO.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
WR Mason Retiring
Ravens Wide Receiver Mason tells Web site he's retiring. "I don't have the time for this web site. Gotta think more about football."
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Police Rule Out Nothing
Police eye wife in Gatti's death, rule out nothing. "If it was nothing, we wouldn't be here", says police chief.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Former Nuclear Site Opens
Former North Dakota nuclear missile site gets first visitors, mostly tourists from North Korea, Iran.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Guv Calls Mayor A Wacko
LA mayor: City will pay costs from Jackson event. California Governor Schwarzenegger: You're as wacko as Jacko!
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Walking Better For You
Walking, biking to work linked with better fitness than driving car, having employees carry you in a sedan chair.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Government Has Spendinitis!
AP sources: President Obama wants Senate health bill passed quickly, as he and the whole Senate has came down with fatal Spendinitis!
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Goldman Sachs Earnings Up
Goldman Sachs earnings easily surpass expectations. Decides to cancel meeting with congress over a bailout.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Cadets Have Flu!
The United States military reports that 67 Air Force cadets have been stricken with the Swine Flew!
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Cats Control Humans
Cats Do Control Humans, Study Finds! Then, after a few words in private, study concludes "and this is a Good thing!"
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Your Grandchildren Now Owe $1 Million Each
Obama to propose $12 trillion in new community college, casino bailouts, refreezing the arctic circles, meteor shield and cooling the gulf waters so hurricanes won't develop.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Cats Get What They Want
Cats have purrfected how to get their own way. If you don't do what they want they will shit in your shoe.
written by Earl Grey, 14 July 2009
Jesse Explains "Obama Nuts Off" Once Again
Jesse Jackson further explains his "I'd like to cut Obama's nuts off" by saying he was talking about that nut, Jeremiah Wright always hanging around the President.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Jackson Molestation Accuser Just Might Get More Money
Azja Pryor calls for Michael Jackson's 2005 molestation accuser to 'Do The Right Thing' and tell everybody what he did to you.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Frees Up 56 Operatives
Head of the FBI decides to discontinue surveillance of Michael Jackson within the next month or so.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Next Comes The Gravy Generation
With members of The Greatest Generation dying off daily, nation braces for losing The Groovy Generation.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
North Korea to Receive Environmental Award
Environmental groups are congratulating N Korea for turning out all lights at night, except for Pyongyang, to save energy. Oops they don't have any other lights; the prize is a six pack of GE lamps.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 July 2009
Laden Declares Jihad!
In latest video, Osama bin Laden orders his followers to declare a jihad on the war against terrorism!
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Ban the Plastic Bag Crusade Fizzles
A chemical company invents a plastic supermarket bag that self destructs in 24 hours, leaving no harmful residue. Ban the plastic bag organizations and city councils must now solve real problems.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 July 2009
Obama Seething At Cheney
President Obama finally give OK to search into Cheney role in any prisoner torture after former VP called him in Russia and clucked like a chicken.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Chewing On Mary Jane
Nicorette Gum to come out in all new Phillip Morris, Camel, Lucky Strike, Mary Jane specialty flavors.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Potted Meat Prices Higher
For limited time only, McDonalds introduces the McMountain Oyster in the south.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Gore May Run Again
Al Gore says he is still young enough to run again. But will start slowly with walking to mail box and back. Already lost one pound and down to 289.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
Just Awhile Longer
People who can't wait to do away with neighbor or spouse are still patiently awaiting the next crazed sniper attacks.
written by Bureau, 14 July 2009
