First 'Healthy' Swine Flu Victim Dies
The first 'healthy' swine flu victim has died - but they were from Essex!
written by IN SEINE, 10 July 2009
Victim Killed PETA-Style
Local man in Cleveland who finally got around to cleaning up back yard leaf fall from last year, completely forgetting about little dog and his house, found dead today PETA-Style with fork in ass.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Criticism Coming From Pope
Pope Benedict XVI criticizes the lazy catholic who record their voices doing rosary and then simply play it back so many times.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Bad News For Kids
Federal Chairman Benarke warns children that this year's candy give-outs will be up to 50% smaller.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Wisdom From The Dolly Parton
Dolly Parton: "Women get all dressed up to please men. Then they get dressed down for the same reason."
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
"I Saw But Didn't Look"
President Barack Obama said that he was not turning to look at young lady's butt in Italy. "I turned to help someone down and there the butt was. Believe me, I'm no Bill Clinton."
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Airlines Receive Warning
US Transportation Secretary warns airlines that if prices keep going up there will be many more hi-jackings.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Barack Obama Meets The Pope
Asks him, "Now, you're the Ayatollah for the Catholics, right?"
written by unknown
Experts Stumped At Find
Archaeologists in Egypt have huge mystery on their hands as newly discovered mummy in sealed vault had bobble-head Cleopatra doll in sarcophagus with him.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
CIA/FBI Differences Come To A Head
Twenty One killed and nearly 200 hundred injured as FBI and CIA agents finally have a shootout at the OK Corral in Tombstone, Arizona. Navy Seals flown in to stop illegal action.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Madonna Helping World Peace
In an effort towards world peace Madonna travels to North Korea to adopt Kim Jung Il for a day.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
No Pacemaker Insurance
Democrat sponsors of new health bill says that it will not cover pacemakers for hearts until Cheney's gone.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Cyber Attack Hits TheSpoof Top Twenty
TheSpoof Top Twenty writers disappears as North Korean hackers continue with their cyber attack.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Drunk Too Much
San Diego, California man who's doctors had been telling him he drank too much found drowned in lake.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Finally: Cheap Smokes In NYC!
Manhattan entrepreneur opens mostly empty room on street for people to purchase 25 cent each cigarette of choice or ten cents to just inhale the air for three minutes.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Alabama Drops Chair Executions
says the state will drop it's electric chair executions in favor of lethal injections because of the chairs recorded contributions to global warming.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Jackson Left Message?
Michael Jackson apparently had recorded a good-bye message with his will that stated, "To all my brothers and all my black friends".
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Still Drunk Apararently
Recently fired airline pilots claim that someone had slipped some kind of a drug in their alcohol.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Talking About Wearing Short-Sleeves
Far Left Fanatics say that constitution phrase "the right to bear arms" is unconstitutional!
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Global Warming Speeds Up
Scientists and Meteorologists agree that global warming will now increase more dramatically with North Korean launch of giant magnifying glass.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Attacks Now Hitting China, India
Cyber attacks continue against the US and South Korea and are also attacking India & China. Only thing translated as of now, "resistance is futile".
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
More Cyber Attacks
President Lee Myung-bak of South Korea, who's wife Kim is South Korea's top Seoul Singer, says his nations is continuing fight against North Korea's cyber attack.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Hefner Still Up & At It
Hugh Hefner announces that he will fly in the Playboy Blimp across the nation with seven airheads.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Madoff's Company Records Searched
Police are now looking thoroughly through Bernie Madoff's Investment firm, The Totally Fraud Investment Company.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
New Sponsors Sought
"Sunday Morning With Brother Verber" drops Budweiser and Viagra as it's sponsors.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Human Population Increase Slows
Human population increase slaows as several trampled by bulls in Pamplona, bears on Wall Street.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Tyson Marries Again
Iron Mike Tyson, the 42-year-old former heavyweight champion, and Lakiha Spicer, 32, have gotten married. She for the second time and Mike for his third of six.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
New Indian Ambassador Draws Chuckle
UN proposal by new ambassador from India about vaccinating all politicians against greed falls on deaf ears, several pats on the back with, "You'll learn".
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
New Clothes Study
New study that says over the course of a lifetime, the average woman spends a year of her life deciding what to wear. It also says the average man spends 2 years dreaming of how to get them off her.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Company Admits Undue Influence
A British engineering company has admitted it was involved in overseas corruption and breaching UN sanctions. Ordered to replace kneecaps, pay pensions to widows & widowers.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
New French Study
French tourists are the worst in the world, coming across as penny-pinching, rude and terrible at languages, even being proud of their snobbery, according to a new survey by France.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Smart Clothes Coming
Clothes could one day take snaps of everything happening around whoever is wearing them. Send out alarms like, "You just shat your pants, idiot."
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Herschel Nearly Set To Go
Europe's Herschel space observatory is set to become one of the most powerful tools ever to study the Universe, if squirrel in cage gets proper nutrition.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Could Be Harmful
A form of Ebola virus has been detected in pigs for the first time, raising concerns it could mutate with Swine Flu and pose a new risk of losing half the world's population.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
"Still I Looked To Find A Reason, To Raise Oil Prices"
Oil below $60 as traders eye company results and Big Oil companies eye any upcoming hurricanes or any other reason to keep raising gas prices.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Pope Jeremiah ?
Obama and pope to hold their first meeting with Obama admitting that he used to think Jeremiah Wright was the pope.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Changes In Car Cleaning
Car washers seeing more rules on soapy runoff. Urged to clean cars at home using water they have caught in a rain barrels.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Leaders Want Food Aid
World leaders want $20 billion for food aid as some politicians trips abroad average $400 per meal.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Democrats Break Ranks, Say Health Care Plan Stinks
Conservative Democrats break ranks on health care as government troops move in to restore order in the Senate, House.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Obama: Recovery A Ways Off
President Barack Obama said Friday the world apparently has averted economic collapse but a "full recovery is still a ways off. Maybe by 2012."
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
China's Earthquake Relocates Thousands
400,000 to be relocated after quake in south China. In fact, China officials report that half have already been shaken over to a different province.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
More Taliban Dead
Up to 22 Taliban killed in central Afghanistan. Just in case you're keeping score, going back to the Russian occupation, that makes a total of 12,677,423 dead Taliban.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Cah For Clunkers
Cash for Clunkers" wins over U.S. drivers, dealers. Over 5,000 cars being taken off blocks in the southern states.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Bulls On Way Back?
One dead at Pamplona; first goring death since '95. Is this the sign of a new bull market?
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
King Of Pop
With the King of Pop dead, music companies are scrambling to discover the next weasel.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Sarah Palin's New Jobs
Sarah Palin after resigning as Governor of Alaska has signed a contract to fill an opening for an anchorwoman on Saturday
Night Live's "Weekend Update" and occasionally sub for Limbaugh.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Taking the P***
A family from Bristol are trying to entice their pet dog back, by leaving a trail of diluted urine. The city council, believe that they are just taking the p***!
written by IN SEINE, 10 July 2009
When Search Engines Collide!
Google's new search engine "Hope" is set to compete with Microsoft's engine "Bing". Both are doing well with releases in foriegn markets."Bing" is slightly ahead of "Hope" on the road to Morocco.
written by Adam Click, 10 July 2009
Running Out Of Ideas?
Scientists try to discover why the cheetah is the fastest animal on earth! God knows why! Why don't they try asking him? After all is said and done, he is the one who created them.
written by IN SEINE, 10 July 2009
Jackson 5 To Reform
The Jackson 5 are to reform. They hope to cash in on their recent popularity by recording a cover version of "Ace of Spades" as a tribute to their late brother.
written by Earl Grey, 10 July 2009
Michaels's autopsy
results of the autopsy reveal Michael was neither White or Black, but made out of Pepsi
written by disciple, 10 July 2009
People Who Talk to Themselves
Not so long ago people who talk to themselves were labeled "crazy." Today people who talk to themselves are either facing in a direction where their cell phone is hidden or have an earpiece.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 10 July 2009
Tax the Rich for Health Care
The White House announced today how it will pay for health care for all. The president is going to tax the 250 million rich Americans to pay for the 50 million Americans who lack health care.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 10 July 2009
TV Listings Error Makes King Arthur Show Highest Rated Program Among Porn Fans
It seems that the listing said "Merkin" (the scientific name for female pubic hair) instead of "Merlin."
written by unknown
Best Way To Find Jobs
Most economists say that education, retraining, bribing, threatening and blackmail are the keys to finding new jobs today.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Big Monkey Brains Most Deceitful
Study: Most deceitful monkeys seem to have the biggest brains, say scientists. Ask to see Bernie Madoff's brain once victims pay to have him skived.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
New TNN Show
The Nashville Network announces a new show "Clogging With The Stars" for 2009-2010 TV season.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Body Of Amish Lad Discovered
Body of young Amish lad found in barn, believed to have died of erotic corn-shucking that somehow went wrong.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Blown His Mind!
Breathalyzer explosion injuries six passengers, state trooper and very very drunk driver.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Hold Off There Guv.
Scientists have detected a spike in underground rumblings on a section of San Andreas Fault that produced a magnitude-7.8 earthquake in 1857. Ask Guv Schwarzenegger to hold farts until more tests ran.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Obama's Replacement Won't Run For Re-Election
Barack Obama's Senate replacement, Roland Burris, won't seek another term. "Tired of people looking at ME and asking, "Where's our 13 trillion dollars."
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Won't Catch On
Monkeys live longer on low-cal diet; would humans? Probably, but most don't like the taste of monkey, especially where tops of heads removed and brains eaten.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
From Bad To Worse
El Nino conditions return to affect weather. Even worse, El Loco makes his first appearance in centuries.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Resolution For Jackson Stopped
A resolution sponsored by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee, cites some of the singer's charitable acts and proclaims him an American legend, musical icon, although also piece of shit, and world humanitarian.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
French Tourists Worst
French tourists are the worst in the world, coming across as bad at foreign languages, tight-fisted & arrogant, according to a survey of hotel owners across the world.
"Bunch of name-calling Frogs!"
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Worse Violence Hits Iraq
Worst violence hits Iraq since, well your country blew the shit out of us, Iraqi leaders tell US soldiers.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
Iran Unrest Continues
Thousands of protesters streamed down avenues of the capital Thursday, chanting "death to the dictator" and defying security forces who fired tear gas and charged with batons,
cheerleaders!
written by Bureau, 10 July 2009
